~sMiLeY~

2008-06-08T05:41:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling so terrible now... i'm superly sick my tummy hurts... my head hurts... my heart hurts... i juz feel sooo dead... nothing i do can help me feel better... i realli need someone badly...

its sooo hurting dat knowing u care but u still hurt me over the same matter...
its sooo hurting dat we kept fighting over the same issue...
its sooo hurting dat despite all that i have told u it still does not get to ur head...

i juz hope that everything will be fine wen i wake up tomolo... haiz...

2008-05-31T13:46:00.000+08:00

I'M PISSED AND CONFUSED!!!!!

KL here i come.... heex...

2008-05-24T04:57:00.002+08:00

okie okie... birthday prep are almost ready... juz need to $$ den all settled... as for door gift still hunting... anyone????

back to my life... almost pathetic as i am still busy wit working... each dae getting tired... my cough and sorethroat have been on and off but then i think i am getting used wit ma voice sooo no doctors involved... heex...

need to bring my lil angel to watch DORA the EXPLORER... she love it sooo much... everytime ask bout DORA she will nod nod... heex...

2008-05-15T14:17:00.002+08:00

Help!!!
i'm getting tired of planning my 21st birthday...
initially tout of getting a party under the blok...
but then i am sick of going ard finding caterer's...
wanted to go to find locations for my birthday but some places not halal...
wanted to go for chalet but i still pending for the caterer...
manage to get some good deals on the way...
was explaining to mum till she drop me this big mindset...

i should be enjoying my 21st birthday sooo instead of throwing a party like i had plan i should be using my savings to go for a trip... now dat sounds like a good idea... a getaway trip for my 21st birthday??? sooo still thinking la... if not juz a simple birthday party at homie... heex...

2008-05-14T02:16:00.003+08:00

yeah2.. everything is back to norm... now all we have is happiness ard us except for the time other ppl making me pissed over small matter dat they dunno how to talk nicely... work have been okie... except for the coughing moments at work... i'm am a lil paranoid but i dun wan to thnk sooo much la... i juz hope that it will fade away soon... hahaha... seriously keep facing patient whu having SOB.. i also starting to get scared... hahaha...

sweetheart... i'm soriew for causing soo much pain n tears in us.. i juz hope it will nt happen again... i juz hate the tears that we had... it is sooo hurting... i'm glad i made the move back cuz i realli dunno wat is going to happen if u are not with me...

2008-05-11T19:31:00.002+08:00

am i being selfish???
am i in the fault for letting u go???
am i making ur life suffer when i let go???
am i not understanding u???
am i not being fair to u???

i am realli confuse...
i let u choose between us...
u made ur choice but u kept saying i was selfish...
u made ur choice despite telling me i was ur happiness...
i am hurt...
yes...
i have neber shed this much tears for anyone...
i have neber...
u wan us but have u tout of me???
have u tout of how i feel seeing the two of u...
have u tout of how i feel all this while???
am i realli ur happiness???

u cant let go of the other party...
so why do u wan to keep me???
u can't decide so i shall decide for u...
i noe u sooo much wan to be with the other party...
here is ur chance...
dun let it go to waste...
i may not be around any longer...
i will be fading till one day u wun even see me ard...

to de inner me...
u wull be srong irah...
i noe u are...
no matter how tough life has been u have always manage to stnd...
this will juz be another test...
let the person go...
let the person have happiness...
u will be strong...
u will manage to pass this stage...
u will still smile...
u will still be urself...
u need to look after urself...
remember...
u left the most important part about ur health from dem...
onli u and ur doc noe wat it is...
dun let ur life span shorten cuz of this okie...
irah will be strong...

2008-05-11T16:39:00.002+08:00

after bout almost 5years it has not been bothering me...
yesterday it came back...
and i tell u i wan sooo scared i might juz leave...
thank god i learn ways to control it till i reach the clinic...
the worst part was being alone...
din wan to trouble mum as she herself is sick...
din wan to travel back to work cuz i dun think dat was the rite move...
luckily my clinic was still open...

doc gave me my first neb after he auscultate...
after my first neb she listen again...
it din improve...
my SpO2 was onli 92%...
he gt scared...
ask me go hospital...
i was stubborn...
he gave me prednisolone and my second neb...
onli den it improve and was slightly better...
my SpO2 wen up to 96%...
he still insist i go to the hospital...
but i was juz stubborn...
wen home by bus...
all alone...

2008-05-10T18:54:00.001+08:00

i tout things wud be better but i guess i was wrong...
i dun wan to hope animore...
not dat i trust u...
i'm juz hurt...
tears kept rolling down my cheeks...
how hurting is dat...

2008-05-09T10:29:00.002+08:00

how can i get myself not tangle wit all this problems in life???
at time i juz wanna shout out loud... i can't take it anymore...
my heart is hurting each time it happen and its slowli killing me...
no matter how hard i tried to climb out of it the harder i fell...
i feel like there is no point... why should i be the one getting all this crap...
did i ever owe u in my life before... all i ask is for u to understand me..

i have cried enuff... i am hurt... is there no end to this???
i realli wonder...
mayb i am the cause...
mayb wat ppl say is true...
mayb i am the reason for all this mishap...
mayb i am the jinx...

u told me not to give up but do u noe how i feel...
each nite juz in tears...
argh... i've had it...
i'm falling sick and i keep thinking of this...
i noe u are even in a bigger dilema den me so i guess i will let u choose...
if u wan me gone den so be it...

2008-04-30T10:30:00.002+08:00

hey my active readers... hahah... two more days and i'm out of singapore... hahahahah... my one week of leave has started by the way... and i'm enjoying every bits of it except for the fact that i am down wit URTI again... i hate it wen i am down wit URTI cuz i am not getting to enjoy all my food... but its okie its gonna be ben and jerrys marathon on thurs... onli mum and i noe bout this... hush hush... a lil ice cream not gonna hurt rite... but the best part of my leave is dat i am getting to spent it wit my loved ones... yup yup... loving every bits of that part... especially wen thurs cum... hahahaha...

i will blog once i'm back from kl... photos will most prolly be uploaded in my friendster or multiply cuz i think cam whoring will be allowed and wit uncle ard... camera is a MUST... hahahaha... taking care sweethearts ppl... GOOD luck for those taking their exams...
MISSING all my dearest lots...

2008-04-22T05:47:00.002+08:00

i am sooo tired and superly downtime...
can't take it anymore...
i need my beauty sleep...
i doubt will be able to get it cuz my small one is cuming...
hahaha... i juz need at least 3hrs of sleep...
was suppose to be in obs bay today but den assignment change...
ppl dun be upset... i am still werking in de same department...
hahaha... started of wit full house den it died down la... so now i gt one patient...
sob sob... i superly sleepy and i still have to layan new cases...

thats all... i wanna sleep... help me...

2008-04-15T16:26:00.002+08:00

i'm hurt...
i dunno if i am being too sensitive...
but doesn't anyone care??
i hate this feeling inside me...
it killing me sooo bad...
its taking each pieces of me...
i dunno if i am suppose to feel this way...
i am juz tired i guess...
or mayb i am toooooo sensitive...
everything i do juz does not seem rite...
i tried but i juz failed...
i hate to see u sad...
i hate to see u miserable wit me...
i will let u choose...
i dun wan to decide for u and later it becomes worst...
i am realli hurt...
the cut is getting deeper each time...
i dunno wat else i should do...
i shall juz keep mum...
i will wait for time to tell me wat i should do...
i shall wait for u to come and tell me...
i hate the feeling now...
i am soooo feeling the pain...
nothing i do seems to be right...
no matter wat...
I LOVE YOU STILL!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-15T06:08:00.002+08:00

oh gosh.. can't believe my luck 4 days straight at iso... not trying to complained... love working dere... tatata... at least i will be fine walking ard... juz hate having to send case with the ppe... hahaha...

whole day spending with u have been de day i have been waiting for...
gosh... can't wait for my AL... 5 day straight... also KL trip... counting down to the days...

birthday plan have been stuck.. cuz i realli dunno wat i need to do... i guess i juz go with the flow all i noe is dat i wanna wear that dress... hahahahaha... till den i wan to keep dreaming of my dress... anyone wanna help me design????

2008-04-12T08:15:00.002+08:00

hey ppl... i gt a problem now and i can't update as often as i tout... werk is sooooo tiring... haiz... i hardly have time for myself and now i think i am falling ill again... each nite wit flu and each morning wit bodyache... realli can't take it anymore...

dun even have time to upload pix... sooo dear shakinah my apologies... i also need to apologies as i think i am not able to make it to make up for u gals on the 18april... i tried to change my roster but i can't... i juz hope u gals will be fine okie... i noe u gals will still be... i am juz dere to help... without me u gals can still make it kan???

how can she kept using me... enuff is enuff... i treasure the relationship dat we had but she is too much... how can she use me juz cuz the family love me... between him and me is over sooo please try to understand my situation gal... i dun blame u but i juz wan u to understand me...

i juz wanna chill like u... have my own time now...

2008-04-04T23:14:00.003+08:00

omg... work haven been taking half of ma energy these days... each time i reach home i will be too tired to blog soooo ma apologies... niwae...

last sun meet up with the gals for our pot-luck picnic... had lots of fun laughing and gossiping though at certain point i do feel lost talking to them... hahahaha.. me to blame been too busy at werk till din follow up wit their life... hahaha... still we had fun... photos will be uploaded later on okie ppl... all well but end up bit frust for me... gt bitten by jellyfish and den i kena rashes... gt scolded by aisha for not cuming down to emd straight and also gt scolded from mum cuz i go and swim... haiz... sooo sad...

went for soeul garden wit mum on mon at bugis... with aisha, akak and aleesya... had lots of laugh... hahaha... den on tues we went to t3... after my appointment and snb thingy settled... had lots of fun walking ard joking wit mum and seeing my dearest dance and trying to talk... hahahaha... after t3 we went to geylang for me to shop... hahaha... bought myself two dress for me to wear on th 12... hahaha...

today i went out with hernie, wahda and syahid... before dat went to west coast park to chill wit aisha... den fetch dem at homie... head down to bukit timah to have out lunner... hahaha... had great time wit them... realli miss hanging out wit them.. after makaning i went to send the car to mum before going to werk... tout will be late but i am not... hahahahaha....

2008-03-27T13:34:00.002+08:00

ouh if u were to ask me how i've been since ma last post i can onli tell u the good stuff. cuz nothing been better the past few dae... we been by each other side... not talking out but juz be with each other... loving it lots... dun have to express things in words cuz all in the heart..

bout that mister mistery... he did not appear anymore at werk... last saw him on mon... ouch... missing him i guess... hahaha... no other intention though... guess still will be seeing him on the 12... but lets not get hopes up high... hahahah...

sun meet up wit ma dayangs... pot-luck picnic... yup yup... i will be bringing fried mee... erm... gals do u trust ma cooking????? hahahaha..... can't wait to juz meet and hang out wit them... loving and missing ya lots...

2008-03-23T20:11:00.002+08:00

omg... guess whu i saw today....
hahaha... i'm going gagaga.... not cuz i love him but juz dat i miss him...
wanted to talk but i a bit shy and scared dat he might ignore me...
hahaha... thanx dear for passing de msg to him...
but i noe i dun expect much la... hahahaha...

work is fun today till........... all de manjaliatis at werk realli turn bad... well actually onli one la... waited at 1184 cuz feeling very tired to go home.... de moment i step out gt shocked... actualli i noe i will meet him one or two days la wen he send case juz dun expect it to be today... hahaha... but its okie la... head to vivo wit mum, sis and aleesya... yup yup... i've been eacting a lot these past few days... oh no.... back to dieting cuz i realli wanna fit to dat dress... hahaha... preparations for birthday have to start the cuming week cuz i'm going to be busy next month wit kl trip... next week meet up wit dayangs.... gals please eh dun bubble... hahaha....

2008-03-21T23:10:00.002+08:00

i dunno wat i should be feeling rite now...

hurt maybe... upset maybe...

but den why should i...

since wat i say dun realli matter...

why should i be kicking a big fuss over this issue...

i'm juz tired... tired of being hurt anymore...

stop asking me if i'm alright...

cuz u know i'm not...

since u can't make up ur mind there is nothing i shld do...

like i say...

watever i say dun matter...

it does not clear ur touts...

its making it even worst..

fisrt u said u decided...

now u say u not...

den u say u dun mind being back to square one...

oh yar i forgot...

cuz wat i say dun realli matter...

sooo i guess wat i am feeling dun realli matter too...

my post gt nothing to do with my previous post... i'm juz hurt.. i dunno wat i shld do now...

2008-03-19T23:00:00.003+08:00

i have been having weird feelings these days.. ever since dat news... i was once again awoken to the past... realli hate the feeling but i guess my dear u are rite no point hiding it... i am realli scared dat is why the silence... dun ask me why i waited this long... it could be fate but it could also meant nothing... i realli dunno what i shld do...

i am confused...

u once walk into my life...

u created a stir and den u left...

u came again with a news i din wanna hear...

i kept quiet though a bit hurt...

it was den silence between us...

u came back in my life once again...

by den i was with someone...

we tried being friends...

but again lost each other...

saw u walk in my skul...

hoping to create a conversation...

onli to find out u are attached...

we left each other wit juz hie and byet...

i tout things wud died off...

how am i suppose to noe the world is small...

now u are back in my life...

i realli dunno wat is going to happen this time...

not putting up hope for anything...

not going to predict anything...

i am juz keeping quiet...

i juz hope the feelings will die off...

i noe its impossible...

cuz even now...

my feelings for u is strong...

i only got three words to say...

I MISS YOU!!!!

i juz hope that things will be fine for me... i have express wat is in my heart... for nw i shall go wit the flow and live life to the fullest... this month roster not looking too good... not much time can be spend wit dearie... sob sob...

2008-03-18T11:37:00.003+08:00

haiz... wat a shitty shift i have been having the past few days... can't wait for my rest day tomolo... meet up wit my darling fwens have been great the past week... hahaha...

last thurs... back from post nite... wen to meet aisha and off we go to DISNEY ON ICE... reach kalang it was raining sooo heavily... we had to walk in the rain to reach the bus stop... hahah... silly us... both never bring umbrella... but then still in good mood... hahahaha... yippey... seats was great... the whole show was very fun and exciting... after show we bought the ice thingy... sooo cold den both still buy... how silly can we get... hahahaha... end up throwing the ice away... but kept the cup... yup yup... wen to marsiling to have our supper... by the time i was home it was 12mn... hahaha... mum was already alseep... hush hush...

den came fri... wake up morning to send mum to werk den went over to aisha house for breakfast and den proceed to my place to rest cuz meeting the EMD gals at 330pm... hahahaha... both of us overslept and end up being late fetching aishah and hamizah... reach EMD onli bout 4plus... total passenger in my car 6... hahaha... reach GOLDEN LANDMARK wanted to park at basement... dunno where i turn to end up infront of car lift... the ride is damn scary i tell u... also make me wanna puke... soriew gals bumpy ride... hahaha... we reach the place and started cam-whoring as always... waited for the rest to cum b4 ordering fd, drink and shisha... yup yup.... i loving it especially the apple flavour... hahahaha... den had to rush off at 730 cuz nasha book out early... went to fetch elene and buy cake for nasha before proceeding to bukit timah... i receive a very scary news from nasha... gosh... the world is sooo small... hahahah... head home b4 12 after celebrating nasha bdae at the rooftop carpark...

ps: pix uploaded in fwenster....

2008-03-13T00:23:00.002+08:00

hey peeps... am now werking... fever facility... yup yup... hahahaha....

last night????? hopefulli it does not happen again la... i noe u dun wan it to happen n neither do i... so lets not do silly things again and make each other cry... hate to see ur tears dearest... enuff is enuff... i will tell myself again a=n again that i will not be upset because of him cuz our friendship meant more... thanx for cuming all the way to my house and settle it... i hope we are both cleared... i realli hope u will understand my situation better... i love seeing us back to normal again... i dun care wat ppl say cuz they are juz being childish...

i realli can't wait for tomolo.... haiz... counting down the no of hours before DISNEY ON ICE... hahaha... mum was a lil upset i din bring aleesya along but i gt my reason... i promise to bring her wen she a bit older and can sit still... hahaha... loving my family... mum been good by helping me save up for my b'dae... i noe its still far but no harm preparing early rite??? next on the list is fri meet up with dearest nyp creeps and EMD gals... i will try my very best not to disappoint any party so will meet both side okie...

ELENE i guess we cannot relive our poly life... hahaha... nvm prata session will be fine...

loving u always... dun wanna lose ur grip... dun ever leave me alone... dun ever walk away from me...

2008-03-12T02:34:00.002+08:00

hey sweethearts whu are reading ma blog....
i'm doing nite again and am in obs bay... hahahah... well werking wit aisha today...
started off very well til... something happen... haiz... i dunno wat is wrong wit me la...
keep getting upset over small issue... nvm la... dun wanna further upset myself by saying...
regarding tomolo plans... still in blur... yup yup... dunno wat is going to happen... i am juz keeping mum... dun wanna be sad no more...

can't wait to meet my fwens this fri... nasha.... u better watch out kaes... this is wat u get from bullying me always... hahahaha... i juz hope all goes well... dun wanna be disappoint anymore...

feel like hanging myself juz like you...

2008-03-09T16:47:00.002+08:00

hey dearies... hahaha... sunday pm and i am werking... haiz... its been a long time since i have my weekend off... haiz... missing my peeps badly...

soo much thing happening this week... have to split myself up... going to book my place for my birthday bash... on tues... thurs going to DISNEY ON ICE.... and gonna meet my gals on fri hopefully nothing goes wrong... going back to nyp to relive our memories... after dat i meeting emd gals... hopefulli my plans dun change...

i dunno wen i get to meet my dayangs cuz i am missing them truckloads... seriously gals please plan one day outing... to dearest SURIA... hopefuli ur dad have a speedy recovery... taking care sweethearts...

2008-03-07T15:55:00.002+08:00

i have gt a silly story to tell... hahahaha
yesterday went out wit aisha...
my day started at 0730hrs wen i send my dearest mummy to werk... from dere head down to woodlands to fetch aisha at homie... reach her place at 0930hrs den went to admiralty for breakfast... chill at mac before heading down to town for movie marathon... watch a total of two movie back to back... a lil tiring but we both had fun... yup yup... we watch FOOL'S GOLD and THE LEAP YEAR... funny and touching story all in one day... den we decided to go to suntec to have our dinner at swensens... so wen to pick up the car... out from the car park the charges was $19... from 12pm to 1900hrs.... there goes my cashcard... my balance was onli $0.85... yup yup... and we are still ard town area... i kept asking her if there is any erp ahead cuz i am soooo scared that it might not be enuff... true enuff there was near PS and i tell u at that point of time my heart juz stop beating... thank god they onli deducted $0.50... so throughout the whole journey i was praying no more erp cuz my kad onli left $0.35... i tell u i can't concentrate driving anymore... hahaha... the most scariest part of the day sia... I still reach suntec safely... thanxfully... had dinner and off to home... send aisha to the carpark as her bike is in my car park...

lesson learn... top up cashcard to the max before entering to TOWN area... hahahaha...

2008-03-04T05:16:00.003+08:00

first nite and i am in TRIAGE... oh boy its been sooo long since i last step in triage... hahaha.... managable cuz my partner was theresa... joke and laugh thru the nite... now i am sleepy... not very hungry juz sleepy... cuz cried almost the whole day.. nvm i guess everything is settled... irah wun be upset for long cuz now i believe we shld live life wit happiness... though it hurts sooo muchie but there is realli nothing i can do... sob sob... alll i wish is for it to juz slip out of my mind....

hahaha... tomolo i will be in ISO... hahaha... juz hope for a good shift la... too bad not in OBS....

seriously this is wat i want at this point of time....

2008-03-03T10:54:00.002+08:00

how wud u feel if someone u love ignores ur call for help...
how wud u feel if someone u love walked away...
how wud u feel if someone u love dun get wat is on ur mind...
how wud u feel if someone u love blames u for things u dun do...
how wud u feel if someone u love dun love u as much as u love him/her...
how wud u feel if someone u love dun do the things they use to do...
how wud u feel if someone u love dun bother bout u as much as u bother bout them...
UPSET wudn't u...
i'm sure u wudn't tell them exactly wat is on ur mind for fear u might hurt them...
my post is not refering to anyone... juz a point to note...

i have been in tears las nite... i dunno if i'm being sensitive/paranoid... but i guess i am juz upset... never ever promise me things u think u can't fulfilled cuz i will be terribly hurt... u wun even noe how deep u might hurt me sooo dun ever make empty promises okie.... i hate it if u kept promising me things u can't fulfilled... why muz u hurt me by promising me things... at the point i need u most u were not ard... *sob sob*

2008-03-02T00:03:00.002+08:00

i'm bored and sooooo upset... silence is still de best....

realli missing my sayang.... love you many2.....

2008-02-29T23:00:00.004+08:00

i'm loving every bits of my life nowadays... each day is juz filled wit my loved ones and their smiles... heex... today i met up wit my bestie and eleena... went makan at sakura and den chill at coffee bean... heex... thou the day was short i still love it cuz get to spend time wit bestie... hahahah... we both are going wild wit guys,... hahaha... the walk at town juz bring me memories of my sayang... throughout the whole day my sayang kept calling me on the phone... gosh i miss my sayang sooooo muchie... even as i type now i miss you...

if onli i can find the tree and engrave our name rite in the middle of this tree that the two bears are...

I MISS MY SAYANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-28T11:45:00.002+08:00

seriously i din wan to take mc today but my fever not getting down???? i realli dun wanna go back to EMD... my throat is getting worst... more painful as i swallow... shucks.... why me sick???? suppose to meet up my fwenz but decided to cancel cuz i can't get up this morning.... mum force me up but seriously my head was soooo heavy and my throat hurt sooo bad i can't even swallow my saliva and end up spitting them... i'm going dehydrate soon...

dunno if tomolo can go back to work... i will try though... dun wanna miss too much of werk... haiz... if say i need more sleep i have been slacking in bed the whole 3 days i off sia... nothing works anymore... haiz....

onli one thing make me look forward to each day is to see her smile... i will get better cuz she have been looking after me each day... back and fro from her hse to mine... i'm realli touched... i juz hope i will get well sooo we can spent our next rest day together...

2008-02-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

gosh i am soooo sick.....
i went to EMD afer my nite shit today as i was forced by my fwen... i know she is concern... i dun blame her... fever still not going down... and my throat hurts badly... i dunno if can tahan thru the nite... haiz... why muz get sick at this point of time... sob sob... this month roster sooo good den sick... haiz...

niwae they cleared my x-ray thank goodness cuz i realli fear it might be pneumonia... my blood test were okie... juz WBC was raised... they still discharged me and ask me to drink lots of water... my chest tightness is on and off... i also duno why... gt mc for the 28 i juz hope i'm better by then... i hate to take mc... hahahaha... after discharge aisha send me home cuz she worried i might faint halfway... hahaha... she sooo cute... told her not to worry but still worry... pe da... i slept the whole day after taking my medicine... woke up at 8plus had dinner and med... now bored waiting for mum to cum back... so here i am typing....

life is sooo wonderful wen u have frenz that care... they top my list above boyfriend... hahahaha...

2008-02-24T22:36:00.002+08:00

first nite and dun bother to guess where i am... OBSERVATION BAY... hahaha... loving my job still.. hahahaha... flu is getting bad each day... i am thinking of seeing in EMD but i realli am scared... flu and sorethroat for 1mth... whu not scared... called GP he say i better see cuz even if cum to his clinic he will write memo... sob sob... but i realli dun wan to be seen in EMD... mayb my second nite bah... hahahaha... my right eyes having pain at lower eye lid... i am sooo stress up... mum say i will not get better cuz work in this area.. but then how... keep asking me to take mc... if onli its dat simple...

i think today i am going to DOWNTIME soon cuz... din sleep the whole day... hahahaha... how to sleep mum ask me out wit aunts and my baby aleesya... downtime... downtime... downtime...

2008-02-19T22:47:00.002+08:00

hahaha... i guess sum of my readers might have been surprise that i have been updating my blog almost every single day... hahaha... wat can i say... i am back ppl... look out for this blog for full updates on me...

i loving myself to the max... dun wanna bother wat ppl think or say bout me anymore... futhermore i lead my life... regarding love life?????? decide to take it slow... wat for rush into a relationship not knowing the person den getting hurt because of that... rite????

i dun think it matters anymore... mum have been scolding me for going home late... hahaha... AISHA u know the reason... but i think she wun be mad for long la... her daughter growing up... hahaha... but i dun make her worried okie... hahaha... this fri will be meeting up my peeps... loving them and missing them... gosh been sooooo long since i last met them... like last year... hahaha...

well i'm liking my this cuming month roster... hahaha... (someone will know why) hahahaha... i guess it will be movie every week... hahaha... gonna see a hole in my pocket soon but whu cares cuz i am loving it... yup yup... my next plan for meet up will be:
1) karaoke sessions with my dearest SURIA
2) prata session with LYZA and NASHA
3) sushi with ELENE and KHENG
4) down by the beach with DAYANGZ
5) underwater world with EMD GALS

hahahahahahahahaha... busy busy busy..... well if ur name not mention and u wanna meet up with me plese tag... hahaha... i will find a slot and meet up... wun disappoint anyone... cuz i LOVE evryone soooo dear....

2008-02-18T21:34:00.002+08:00

yesterday as i sad down writing me diary... tears were dripping down me cheeks... i dunno why la... kinda upset with the whole situation... seriously was already upset on the dae i read the diary... tried not to make matter worst la...

kept thinking if this is wat i deserve... well i was the one whu initiate everything... but sometimes i juz have to let things go... i hate being in the situation... i juz dun wan to see us getting hurt again... enuff is enuff but ppl juz dun get it... when i stick wit ma decision they call me selfish... at times i realli dunno why i bother to explain myself.. still sore over the whole thing but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... nobody knows...

werk have been looking gd each dae... no matter how stressful werk is i always have great companions to make me laugh... today werk was pretty fine rite AZIANA... for a monday morning we pass over like 8cases??? hahaha... but most can p3 after 1 hr... we were joking the whole morning till we forgot to send for dental... hahahaha... so send dental onli at 2:40pm... hahaha... laughing and joking all the way... sooo happening... loving it sooo muchie... though someone was there to spoilt the whole day i juz can't be bother cuz if its not my duty dun try to blame me okie... hahahaha....

dun be a pretender and think u know all bout me... sometimes it is hurting if u kept saying i noe u are this and that.... i know u are not that sort of person but to tell u the truth... U NOE NOTHING BOUT ME... u can tell everyone its my fault i dun bother... i dun mind losing fwens whu dun believe in me... i think u gt to have urslef checkout... dun pretend u noe nothing bout wat i am saying... dun pretend to be nice to me... I HATE PRETENDERS.....

2008-02-17T08:45:00.003+08:00

its a sunday morning and i am at werk... talk bout some ppl no life... my social life is ruin... hahahaha... but i'm fine cuz i am happie going to werk and meeting all me fwens... hahaha... werk have been stressful but managable...

yesterdae i have been laughing non stop at werk.. dunno why i guess i have been very happie... hahahaha... thanx sooooo much... u realli make my day... no matter how hard it was i still neber stop smiling... werk yesterday was fun... though gt things to do but we were all joking ard... making each other smile... and yesh theresa... this is me i can laugh the whole day long.... but i am still fine u noe... hahaha... she can't stand me and call me CRAZY... hahahaha... to those whu noe me they are not surprise... hahaha...

will update later.. busy... now alone in obs bay... hahaha... too bad no runner....

2008-02-15T13:00:00.002+08:00

wat a happie day yesterday was... loving it too much... not many pix taken but its okie i believe the best memories are kept in the heart...

mum fetch me home yesterdae cuz i wasn't feeling too good... finish werk late due to some memo i had to write for a potential PR case... reach home was super DOWNTIME.... blamae myself for getting up at 12 yest and onli had 3 hrs of sleep... soooo yesh was suppose to meet her at 12... but i was a lil tired and lazy to move ard sooo i told her will be late... hard to decide wat to wear... wanted to wear my dress but it was super short... heex... den took cab down to her homie... heex... lazy wanna go public la... reach her place b4 1pm... slacking den she made for me pasta... how cheecky can she get... no wonder these past few daes have been asking me eat wat... prefer this to that... hahahaha... but i was nice and toutful... hahaha... after lunch off to orchard... though the mrt ride gt a lil bumper but we manage to pull the dae thru... (note to myself dun be stubborn) heex... catch AH LONG at cathay... dinner at PS(Secret Recipe)... meet my long lost sister kak nurul with bf... and finally mrt ride home... hahahaha... mum was a lil upset that i have been going home late these past few daes... but wat u expect hanging out wit frenz... hard to say goodbye...

finally i bought the cake i have bugging princess to bring me to the shop... reach home found the cake melting sooo had it freeze up later i am going to enjoy it... hahahaha....

dearest angelisha... knowing u were the best thing dat happen to us... we click the moment we started exchanging no... sooo much things in common... we dun even feel shy to talk bout anything under the sun... from friends... to family... even regarding relationship... hahaha... i'm juz glad we both took the first step in getting to know each other... now its juz a matter of same shift for the both of us to laugh at our silly jokes... hahahaha... i felt sooo blessed... thanx my dear fren, colleague, sis, dearest...

2008-02-14T04:47:00.002+08:00

2nd nite... getting sleepy already... two days straight in obs bay... gosh... i juz wanna hope that everything goes well in de morning cuz gt tooo much things planned out...

can't wait to go out but then what shld i wear... hmmmm..... i really dunno... wanna wear skirt but then i gt my bruise so i dun wear... sob sob... place everywhere muz be damn pack sia...

sunday family gathering and YESH i am going to meet my cuzzin... been like 3mths since i last met them... miss my cuz esp HAFIZ.... hahahah... gonna gt him a crumpler bag for his skul...

oh yar... planning to go aus... wit granny... can't wait to meet my uncle... australia trip i am cuming on the jun... kl trip i am cuming on the april... i wanna leave and relax my mind... hahahahah.... gonna relax my mind...

NIWAE... HAPPIE BIRTHDAY TO RYAN ARFAN!!! and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY...

2008-02-13T04:50:00.000+08:00

gosh werk at this time... and i am still sooo hyper... hahahaha... looking forward to werk nowadaes.... hahahha... things have been looking up for me ever since 2weeks ago.... everyday all i do is smile... heex... onli i know y...

knowing you is the best thing dat have ever happen to me...
i dun have to worry about wat others think about cuz i lead my own life now...
i look forward to meeting u each day..
will juz be glad if i can wake up and see your smile...
thanx for being there and bringing me the smile...

i am missing all my frens rite now... my dearest friends WHEN ARE WE MEETING.....
Prata session, sushi session and karaoke sessions... hahahahahah

2007-10-07T11:46:00.000+08:00

i noe lots of people have been bugging me to update... not dat i dun wan to but sometimes things are juz left unspoken... my emotions have been ona roller coster ride this week filled with happiness, sadness, confussion and regrets... i dunno how to express it all in my blog but to those whu noes keep it to urself... as i have mention before its hard for u to get how i'm feeling inside cuz it will take me lots of courage in order for me to express my true feelings... not that i wan to keep it from anyone juz dat i prefer to keep it inside me...

r/s are already hard to maintain why get married... dat is wat i always hear from other.. it sometimes saddened me to see how much effort have been put in but the marriage life just end up with divorce.. i'm sure all been wondering wat exactly is happening well fret not cuz neither do i noe wat is going on... i am juz sick of all this lies from other juz cuz they want their way to go and juz refuse to move a lil bit to make others happie... how selfish can ppl get...

self esteem are juz an important feature in life... hard to build up easy to get shattered... i dunno why but sometimes ppl juz do things w/o thinking of how the otehr party is feeling. well i guess one should believe in karma cuz that is wat i hold on to... no point scolding others cuz they will neber get it how important one's self-esteem is until their get shattered...

i juz hope this important note of mine help others whu are reading it...

2007-08-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

hahaha... i was super down wit my mood yest kena scolded like nobody business... i talk to mum till there is tears in my eyes... i guess Siste is rite i AM stress... denial leads to me being a time-bomb juz waiting to explode... but i still do love the work area juz dun realli fancy the people... i will get pass this time...

oh yar yest was my dearest cuzzing b'dae... so had a lil celebration den my cuzzins all decided to watch fireworks and since aunt house is near Mt Faber all decided to climb up... and boy i tell u its been ages since i climb up to the point that wen i reach down my legs were jelly... hahaha... pix will be uploaded soon...

p/s: 4days and counting... loving the day to cum... will spent it wil my dearest...

2007-07-27T11:28:00.000+08:00

as i have expected since i have started werk on the 2jul... i haven gt the time to log on to the comp and updats my blog... attention ppl: blog dying soon... been busy and i'm getting sick easily due to ack of rest... wat u expect 6mth probation is going to be very fast and i am super worried that i may not make it... kiping my hopes up though... so far things have been pretty okie for me... tonight will be my first night shift... i'm hoping for the best...

nw me hse is sooo lonely w/o sis and baby cuz they have moved house already... haiz... missing her soooo muchie and will be seeing her on sun... hahaha... its gonna be a marathon for me... no sleep since i juz cum back from nite... but anithing for baby...

friendship comes and go... but the people whu stood by u thru thick n thin are the best ppl to judge u... never expect a lil sumthing from someone juz cuz they treat u nice... things dun usually go the way u want them to and things happen for a reason... live life as happily as u can... never look back at the unpleasent past rather treasure the pleasent future that is cuming ur wae...

2007-06-29T11:13:00.000+08:00

okie... here's a lil update of my life before i get busy with wrk life...
gonna become a fully registered nurse in 2days time wen i start fresh on mon...
orientation programmed for us is super tight and i finish at 6... haiz... i juz hope i can survive three years there... receive my staff pass todae at hr and gt a shocked of my life for a moment...
she, the hr personnel, held ma envolope... the first thing i did was to read the cover which says i going to w54 ortho... u will neber believe my reaction.... i was super shock and speechless and kept telling myself this cannot be happening cuz sister already mention that i will be going back to emd... i ask her and she said this is not finalised... she made us check all our document first... wen i asked wen can i get a confirmation or who should i speak to she gt all silence... den i told her i'm going to meet my sister and confirm wit her... den she gt uptight and said she will check for me... haiz... waited still in shocked... wen she came back she say "opps soriew u are in emd"... i was sooo happied to hear that....

wat i'm trying to say is nt that w54 has anithing bad is juz dat i dun wish to werk in a ward environment... i realli prefer emd... soriew no offence ppl... i'm juz glad things gt sorted out if not i will have sleepless nite next two days...

oh ya... i had my hair cut on wed... yup yup... its length is at my shoulder... i also cannot believe myself cutting my hair which i kept for a year... hahahaha... but i feel better... i have a new look... hahahahahah....

to elene i realli hope we can meet this sat even if its juz the two of us...
to ling better confirm wit me earli and dun bubble me...
to all my classmate see u guys during grad ceremony on the 5th jul.... can't wait... more cam-whoring on the way...

to all jul babies happiy advance b'day from me to u....
6th jul: cuz hafiz/cuz rafid
9th jul: suziela
19th jul: eleena dearie....(most important of them all, other no offence)
oh no i think i juz see my money rolling away getting them prezzie.... hahahahaha....

2007-06-22T20:33:00.000+08:00

after much touts yesterdae i finally went to my GP for help cuz my headache is killing me... she gt shock wen i say my fever on and off and so is my headache so she suggested i go to the hospital for a check-up... wrote me a referral letter... mum was pretty upset cuz my GP made me pay $20 onli to tell me i need to go A&E... so i went down to A&E... my SN was like wat u doing here??? wat happen to u adek??? starting werk rite den sick??? so she put me on queue but tell me it will b a while la dun mind the wait... wen it was my turn de doc sooo cute never see me before so dunno i werking there... made me do all the test to eliminate infections of the brain la... was sooo happie wen she said all cleared... den she say haf to run blood test for me to eliminate dengue... i agree la... so brought mum in so she can explain further my treatment progress... after she draw blood ask me wan meds oral or injections... of course i pick oral cuz i dun wish to bare another poking... hahahaha... all the staff scold me neber look after myself... i wan to go makan also kena scold from them cuz they ask me to rest... but i stubborn so i still went makan wit mum and eleena... came back 1hr plus doc call me say blodd results is in... i tell u at that point i super damn worried la... who nt scared!!! den came the news.... "ur blood test is clear... u dun hav dengue but i still need to refer u to neuroscience clinic for ur headache..." jasmine discharge me... haha... she so cute... still can say i see u next week okie... hahaha... yup yup... no mc means i can start werk fresh...

now i have to have more rest and less stress... no more thinking sooo much muz learn to relax... hahaha... but wit my current situation how to relax... but i shall try dun worriew... my appt is in sept... haiz... nw muz keep taking tabs if i feel headache... hahaha...

diz morning went to the radio station acc my darling eleena... she sooo funny on air... hahahaha... we should have explore the place since gt kad but all so good go off same same... hahaha.... now i wanna rest... sleepy head tomolo still have to acc mummy... see.............. how to rest????

2007-06-13T20:42:00.000+08:00

okie okie... juz another short post from me... i tout i had got better but too my surprise my headache is back and now its wit bodyache... i realli dunno wat is happening to me... every week i will fall ill at least once... sob sob...

yest went to aunt house for full body massage tout will get better but den my right shoulder gt worsen... aunt say my body cold so suggested at night sleep wit socks on and fan nt soo strong...

after spending my day at my dearest homie today i tout my hand gt better cuz she massage for me but it din... den i gt no appetite to eat but she force me to eat... haiz.. msg my aunt to say i cuming over... so she massageme... at first say the pain mayb cuz of yest massage but she still massage me... love her...while she massage me i vomitted den aunt say go home and rest cum back next time... sob sob...

i juz hope i will get well before i satrt werk next time... cuz i dun think i can be a sick missy looking after her patients rite????

thanx dearest eleena for looking after me this whole time... thou dun like u forcing me to eat but i noe u meant well... i'm soriew if i had upset u cuz i was feeling down wen i sick... dunno wat i'll do if i do not have u... :)

2007-06-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

okie shakinah this one for u...not that i dun wanna update but dun realli have the time plus i'm not in good health.. fever for the past 5 daes and my doc suspect........ i shall not mention but the good news is that i gt better wit the meds given to me... juz wish me best of health cuz i starting werk next month... haizz..... sooo scary....

it a hectic week for me rushing here and there to get things done... and i wan to congratulate my dearest for winning her cooking competition... i'm soooo proud of u... nw i'm busy preparing for weddings... i need to find baju nice2... haiz... den also prepare baju for hari raya... this year i told mummy to tailor-made the baju cuz gt addition in the family.... but i dun even noe if i gt the day off this year...

again... haven gt the time to meet my angels... so much things to tell them... one day we muz realli meet up...my sweethearts have one tooth grown... now she talk sooo muchie... but i love her still.... shopping and more shopping was done... love it... i shall upload pic in my multiply for all to view...

2007-05-29T11:44:00.000+08:00

wow... been like sooo long since i last updated my blog... well been pwetty busy lately...
my weekends are usually fulli booked wit events and then left the weekdaes but most of my fwens can't make it on weekdaes to meet... haiz... wow one more month till i become a fully registered nurse... thinking bout me werking juz gave me the jitters... but i think i will do well... i hope... heex...

last sun went to the zoo for my mum's company family day... the dae was super hot and i have no idea how much of water i've been drinking... so we walk ard the zoo me wit mu cuzzins and baby leesya... not to forget my aunts and uncles also wit my mum... surprisingly mum was sooo on cuz we wan to go to the wishing well... but wen we gt there....... the well was close... sob sob... hahahaha... i love hanging out wit my cuzzins and my uncle and my mum... hahaha... cam whoring was fun wit them but i juz can't find the time to upload... hahaha... soriew peeps... hmmmmm.....

2007-05-15T22:05:00.000+08:00

ouh gosh been a pretty busy week... i tout i finish my attachment more free time little did i noe i've gt lots of things to do... haiz... plus i wan down wit a terrible sorethroat... going to the doc cost me $50... super expensive... hmm... lots of catching up to do but too lil time...

cuming sat is my bestie b'dae party... hahaha... can't wait to meet her... heex... den the next sat mummy family dae... yup yup... so my weekends are fully booked... i wan donuts... anione wanna queue wit me????

2007-04-28T14:07:00.000+08:00

yuppie... last week of posting n my 6 weeks posting is gonna be over... den i can spend time with ppl i have been rejecting each time they ask me out... hahaha... soriew denz... me busy...

alot of things have been happening these past few weeks... at times i dragged myself to go to werk... i juz dun like it to face unhappi ppl but at times its beyond my control... wat am i to do??? i tried to be empathy wit them but certain things its nt up to me to decide... i realli wanna werk in the dept but i dunno if i am up to it... each time i feel confident there is something that will trashed it all down... i reealli dunno wat i can do to make things better... sumtimes i blame myself for nt trying hard to learnt in skul... i juz hope wen i start werking i will be right on track... i dun realli wish to nt being able to werk in the dept... i have to start mugging on the basic management of patient and the common diagnosis i will face... haiz... one of my staff told me: "if u realli wan a place here u need to read a lot cuz if u do den sister will not disturb u..." i noe but i dun usualli have the time... oh boy... wat am i to do....

alright i willl admit it that not all that i've gone thru are bad cuz there are some moments of happiness being with my frenz.. they can realli give me the support i needed... sometimes wen i juz need a break they will let me vent it out... now all i can think of is break from werk and juz a nice holiday will do... hmmmmm.... where shall i go???? any ideas????

2007-04-09T20:44:00.000+08:00

okie... i guess my friendster is back on track... RESULTS IS TOMOLO!!! argh... i juz hope i pass all my modules la... sooo i can concentrate on my prcp... doing well soo far... today is my fourth dae on the field... i still haven manage to assist in intuvbation or to do resus... not dat i asking for it la juz dat i wan to experience it sooo wen the day cum i nt sooo panicky... blame my luck for being great every time i in P1... loving my posting sooo far.. alot of things to learn... yup2... every day i will be going home with things to find out... mind still sorting out information... this week roster abit tight lah... my do is on the fri and sat... haiz... but i think i can make it... i need to grab more opportunities in this cuming week as well as get my checklist as well as competency signed...

i am missing my gals... i wonder how are they doing but i do call them up at times... cuz it seems hard to set a day for all to meet... muz realli plan well for our outing dae...

2007-03-31T18:30:00.000+08:00

oh dear.. how dificult is it for us to make frenz.. wat is worst is dat wen we make frenz but we can't kep dem wit us... sometimes i feel mad at myself for getting to noe u.. and hoping dat u will e good wit me and make me smile but actuali it urns out tat u are juz cheating me and making me sad always... now wen u see u online i duno to talk to u or to juz keep quitet cuz i dunno wat respod wil get from u.. sad... making frenz is hard keeping them is much more harder...

okie.. 1st wek of posting s over... i haven start werking sooo PPL stop asking me how i am in he ward.. no much have ben done cuz i hard a total of 5 daes of orientation.. yup yup 5 daes... stil gt 3POCT-Uc5 and blood glucose monitoring.. and i pas al of it.. *pat pat* next week schedule quick hectic la.. wat to do.. werking life.. mon off.. tue orientation.. wed am.. thus fri off.. sat am.. sun pm.. whoever wanna date me.. u have to go wit my schedule okie.. hahahaha.. i juz hope it wil be a smoth sailing 5weks to cum for me and al my frenz.. i wan o se al of us graduating together okie.. my 3wonderful babes.. hope to se ya soon.. missses u guys truckloads.. omg LING!!!! i'm soo hapie for u.. taking care okie.. elene my time will not be sooo soon...

eleena dearie.. this is the time i fear most.. its onli the start and both of us already having problems.. but i noe we wil pass this time fast okie... taking care sweethearts... i will still be there wen u need me..

2007-03-22T10:41:00.000+08:00

exams are finally over... both paper gt confident to pass la but its juz dat dunno can do well a not cuz been slacking this semester... partly due to DONUTS and some other stuff... so celebrated end-of-exams-dae with my 3 gorgeous peeps... went to swim in the skul pool... hahahaha... its super funny last dae of skul den wanna try skul facility... but hanging out wit them is super fun... talk and plan bout all our upcoming meet ups with each other... i'm juz love spending my time wit them... now my whole bodyaching... my back and face gt sunburn... anyone gt any idea how to make all the pain go away... and mummy say i very dark already... haiz... sooo sad... gonna spend my 6weeks putting lots and lots of whitening lotion... hahahaha....

and yes... yest was my last dae i stepping to my skul.... it will onli be until jul wen i collect my cert will i be back in skul... haiz... din get to talk to u on my last trip in skul.. haiz... though my friend ask me to wish ya farewell i din... kinda shocked wen u talk to me on tues after sooo long us not talking but it made my dae... nevertheless, wishing u all the best and taking care... like i say before.... I AM GONNA MISS MY SKUL ESP WALKING IN SHOPPING ARCADE CUZ I HAVE GREAT MEMORIES THERE!!!!

gonna outz now cuz meeting my lovely peeps again... byetz...

2007-03-17T12:19:00.000+08:00

wow... been a long time since i last updated... sorry guys... i've been busy studying for my exams... yup yup skul has ended for me... now waiting for me exams to end den come my PRCP... and i have been posted to EMD... i realli have no idea wat is install for me for the 6weeks but i will perserve... i am going to survive... i shall stand up if i ever fall at any setbacks... yes i admit i am afraid cuz it is a specialised area itself but i guess they put me there for a reason and i will make it... heex...

last dae of skul... went to eat seoul garden wit the grp... yum yum been a long time since i last ate there... it was fun and cam-whoring was definetly a blast... yup yup... after that went to istana park to sit down and chat.. and of cuz had a round of "likes and dislike" and yup yup to nasha i will nt be too controlled in life... to ling erm... i dunno how i'm gonna stop it cuz thats me.. hahaha... after dat head home...

13 mar... celebrated nasha's advance b'dae and dee2 b'dae at east coast... was suppose to be there at 3 to set up the things and also for the boys to cum and help us out... end up we came at 315, boys came at 430... the grp one by one came after 5... half way thru it started to rain which stop us for preparing den wen it stop Nasha came.. all was shocked... but we manage to push him outta wae... finally we surprised him at about 7plus... he was shocked... after dat we continue with the saboing session and as usual... b'dae boi gt sabo friends also kena sabo... sob sob... but we had fun... after dat another session of sitting down this time "confessions" hahaha... sooo funny... after dat we left bout 1130pm mummy fetch us back...

i'm waiting for more gathering session wit my nyp creepz... can can???? hahahaha... loving them lots... thanx for walking this journey of my life wit me... u guys have been great and helping me lots... will miss u guys a lot... to my fun-weird-spicy-cam whoring partner, LING: taking care always... will miss u soooo much... faster faster plan outing for us okie... to my princess-advisor-faithful partner, ELENE: thanx for letting me fall back to ur net of comfort and supporting me thru evrything that i wanna do... will miss u taking care.... to the rest dun be despair if i dun mention ur name u guys will always be in my heart okie... pix is all uploaded in my multiply...

p/s: will miss u gals soooo much... thanx...

2007-03-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! last week in skul... oh man... wat am i to do sia... exams cuming but i juz dun feel like studying now... hahaha... aiyah thinking bout skul ending soon kinda make me sad... no more walk walk to shopping arcarde... haiz... sooo sad....

more cam whoring done wit me fwen ling... love her to the bits... i think we love ourself more... even in the train or the library still can post... oh gosh i'm gonna miss those times sia... still gt 3 more days to snap snap before we go for our study break... aiyah i dun wan to werk can??? plz.... hahaha... if that is ever going to happen i think i will soooo happie sia...

today went driving out wit me frenz... mum finally let me bring her car out to skul... it was super scary at first but i manage to pull thru... hahahaha... wen i reach skul ling was sooo excited... kept saying we go out eat la... hahaha... and yes we did... we first wen to tpy for our makan sessions at forksand spoon and the silly us neber bring camera... after walking ard for a while we got bored of the place so we head down to yishun, northpoint... hahaha... de place also gt nothink... this time we bring cam but neber take pix... hahaha... den we realise it is 1 plus sooo we head down to skul cuz lesson start at 2... my parking still sucks lor... aiyah how to improve... sit in the car muz realli move my body to see all the area... i short la... hahaha... but its super fun to have ur fwens ard u to give u direction... hahahaha.... i juz thank god that we are all back safely... pix will be uploaded soon la... hahahaha....

i can't wait for fri, last day outing... yippe... sure fun... still gt 13mar... hahaha... fun fun... love it sooo muchie... if only u cud cum...

2007-02-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

u hurt me deep with all ur lies. u kept comparing between us. have u ever spared a touts of how i have felt??? u claimed dat u are giving me my space and u said that u have tolerated me long. u kept making me feeling guilty. i have had it. each time i think of the words u said to me, i will be filled wit tears. no matter how hard i tried to forget about the matter , the harder it get as u were much closer to me. all i ask is for u to gif me ur understanding. u never tried thou u claimed u had. u never knew how much u have hurt me till i mention it to u. do u realised how common this thing hav been running in our life? i am not saying that i am a saint cuz i do make mistake and i do hurt ppl but i tried to change for u. but have u ever wondered y u never see the changes cuz even wen i did change u never change ur part. i noe it may seem like i have not tried enuff but have u ever wonder y? u say i kept making u crybut have u ever stop and think how much more my tears are rolling down my cheek each time. no matter how strong i pretend to be the pain is juz too much for me to handle. u say that u can't live w/o me but i noe that it is juz a saying for i am not a god to decide on ur life. in fact even before u knew me u are already living. u wan me to adore and love u but let me ask u have u ever done the same think to me? u did something for me and u brag about it and later on compared wit me. u compare on whether i did it same to u a not? i am not a photocopy machine i dun believe it giving u the way u treated me. i can still remember the lies from u since i knew u. and each time i think bout it i get hurt sooo much dat my tears kept flowing. mayb that is the reason y i can't give u more den i have. mayb that's the reason y i haven given u enuff trust. mayb that is y we kept fighting over lil things. some sae ppl will onli learn to appreciate that someone wen they are gone how true can that be? mayb our constand mit-up have made us as a habit of meeting rather than for the pleasure of meeting. i realli dunno wat i am going to decide now for i am still confused. i'll let fate be de decider as to which path i am suppose to take.

Am i asking too much to be loved and understood by someone i realli love? am i juz a being u take for granted? am i juz a subs cuz u still can't make ur decision? am i juz another same person u treat every day? am i juz a person that u need so ur life will feel complete? am i juz someone u wan cuz u juz need something from me? i realli am confuse now!!!!!! oh pleased enlighten me so i can make the right decision w/o hurting anyone else.

2007-02-20T10:36:00.000+08:00

okie... suziie this one for ya... soriew hav not been blogging sooo often... thou i said now back to skul can blog but been busy wit my skul project... one week break now but still project on my mind... oh ya before i forget... HAPPIE CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FWENZ...

went to watch movie yesterdae... wiith my darlings.. suria and eleena... n yash no pix taken cuz i din bring my cam... hahaha.... but i guess it was fun... hahaha... I AM SERIOUS BOUT BUYING THE TV!!! hahahaha.... onli dem noe wat i mean... hahaha..

on sun had a family gathering at ecp... the place was super pack with all tents and malay ppl.. hahaha... been a while since all my cuzzins meet up... catch up time... it was also a b'dae celebration for my cuz who is a valetine baby... i drove to fetch my aunt and den to ecp... along the wae my cuz fiz caught up with us...

here are the pix at random...

wow mummy and aleesya first to snap snap...

aleesya pretty gal...

sister also join the fun...

the b'dae boy... ryan arfan.

"mummy y is the cake bigger than me???"

hungry hungry...

me and akak...

cuz fiz n me...

4daras... eh wait mummy wat u doing there???

cycling trip: the gals...

cycling trip: the boys

cycling trip: the group

baby aleesya n me...

pinkie pinkie...

2007-02-03T10:21:00.000+08:00

here to blog again... hahahaha... i noe pl have been bugging me toooo blog... not that i dun wan la but i've down on my health this week again... haiz... well if u haf read my galfren suria's blog den u shld noe i went to ASEAN ROCKS last sun... wen there to see WICKED AURA and ELECTRICO... but i got more den i expected... overall a plus for being there... love it soooo muchie...

mon was down with sorethroat well din think much of it cuz i tout its juz due to all the screaming on fri and sun but things gt worst at nite and i gt flu as well... i couldn't wake up on tues so i decided to skip skul... boo hoo... iniatlli din wanna go doc but the headache was disturbing my chores... so went to see the doc at nite... i was shocked when he took my temp and i found out i wan having a hihg fever of 38.5... even the doc was surprised... haiz... i realli dunno wat is happening to my immune system... i've better get welll soon cuz i need my precious voice for my ica presentation... sob sob...

skul have never been fun... everyday laughing non-stop wit eachother... but the stress is cuming nearer as all the presentation set in and all the expected grades cuming... also all thinking of prcp... haiz i realli dunno which ward i getting... but no matter wat ward i'll get i will work hard in achieving my individual goals...

a tribute to this special someone whom i've shared my sadness and happiness in my life in nyp... she was there to give me her support in all that i've done... she never fail to make me laugh each time... yest i will admit she kept me happi in skul... the bond i had wit her can not be shared wit anyone else cuz she is special in her own wae... being wit her helps me treasure my life... she gave me the hope to move on wit my life wen i was down.. she never fail to lend me her sholuder wen i need to cry... she is..........

MY PRINCIE, GOH LEE KHENG.....
Happie Belated Birthdae dearie...(02/02/07) May ur wishes cum true and u lead a blessed life ahead... taking care and i'll say this in my blog for u: U ARE PRETTY AND U ARE NOT FAT!!! hahahahaha

2007-01-25T13:42:00.000+08:00

skul have been busy busy busy... no time to blog... haiz.... k now i'm in my skul e-plaza so can blog a short one... hmmmmm...... gt diarrhea first week of skul soooo on mc.... i dread being sick cuz i realli dunno wat i can do... life sux wen u are sick... haiz... skul com soooo not used to it la... this week baby eleena turn to be sick haiz... one after another... sooo sad to see her being sick...

bump into my idol twice these week... TAUFIK BATISAH!!!! i gt to say sooo near yet sooo far... haiz... ur car is superb man... love it soooo muchie... and yes suria miracle do happen...

mum and me have been having our bonding session... life at home sux and i realli hate to go home now... haiz... mummy shopping trip again??? hahaha... shopping spree realli make me happie and my problems away...

well alot of things have been happening in skul... i sometimes dread to go to skul... well all i can sae is for my fwens to be strong in handling all their problem... r/s problem is unavoidable but all i can say is if u are strong to handle ur current situation nothink can stop u from being happie...

p/s: to all whu are having problems conveying wat u realli feel... ask urself this simple question "is it worth it getting upset and no one knowing it or wud u wan to feel better after letting it all out'

2007-01-06T09:51:00.000+08:00

okie kinda last to welcome 2007 but i had no choice cuz been busy and it has been a hell of a week for me... i'm super pissed... dun wish to blog it if nt some ppl will be feel angry la... fell ppl blaming them la... haiz... can't be bothered to face these kinda ppl...

well first day of skul... ppl go skul i have to go for my imh posting... its scary at first cuz i realli dunno wat i will be facing... and and fist day i was late cuz dat stupid bus took 20min to cum... haiz.... but luckily the lecturer was fine... hahahaha... this time round we had our one dayr tour... can u believe it????? second day was fine met the clients... come to think of it i think they are quite pitiful... i realli wanna help them get better... haiz.... cannot talk much....

dayangs.... things are not looking at a good side for all of us in the team... i haf to face cikgu first before telling u gals the outcome... i think its gonna be my worst time telling u gal but i realli dunno wat else i can do... haiz... i'm juz shattered by poeple whu show us no respect at all...

eleena dearie it has been a test for both of us... i hope we both are strong to face it... yippe... i love u soooo muchie.... without u i dunno where i am now....

2006-12-27T19:01:00.000+08:00

okie.... raining season is still here... sob sob... nothing to do at home besides chomping down food... damn.... im getting fatter... okie hightlights of my life...
nothing much has change for my home situation... i'm letting the day come and if there is a need to face any challenges i kept telling myself how strong i am... i'm sick of my situation but at the same time thankful cuz it made me a better and stronger person... i sat back and think yesterdae if there was any thing i rather change so i wun end up this way but no... if this has not happen my realtionship with my frendz wun be stronger and i wun view life from a different side... come to think of it i've gt wat i realli wan in life... love from my family... a good relationship wit my frenz and all the major things i've achieve... alrite enuff of my emo life... hahahahahahaha....

yest was our DAYANG SENI 1st ever gathering... and it happen to be has b'dae... it was pouring non-stop since morning... everyone was down... but i kept myself going... i wanna haf fun so i get dirty... we fix canvas on top of our pit so it will shield the rain... with the help of the boys from the other pit... as our thank-u gift we let them used half of our pit... well we gt more than we could bargain cuz throughout the pit the help to look after our fire and set it as well...

dat is how the pit look like....

the b'dae gurl...

so as usual the cake cutting ceremony before we start eating...

the cake... it was off side cuz Suria had lots to carry... soooo kecian...

cake and her...
den we start to eat... while the boys set our fire...

shakinah digging in first...
den came de first part of the SABO-ing... she sooo lucky it was ice water hahahahaha... but i think she feeling super cold... hehehehehe... den came the second part of the SABO-ing... it was wit the cake... yup yup...

she looking soooo delicious...
and here's a pix of all the gurl dere...

uploading is pretty slow sooo i'm not going to upload all...

2006-12-18T14:56:00.000+08:00

okie juz got off the phone wit eleena dearie... guess wat??? SHA PASSED!!! and will be going to sec 5... yippe!! angel i'm happie for u but nw cannot play2 and muz study hard for u os okie.... no matter wat i'll support u thru... take a note of dat okie...

alritez nw back to me... skul holidas is going to end soon for me... den imh posting... first time me princess and princie together in the same ward but the bad news is i diff shift from dem... boo-hoo... :'( but i'm sure we gonna haf a hell of time there... hahahaha....

well my licence is 4day old... i drive twice... hahahaha... on the 16th went to granny place, currently staying my my aunt's so its at tampines... mum allow me to drive back home... its super scary la.. cuz the car sighting point diff from the honda civic i used to drive... but i manage to pull thru la... once i park i told mummy i dun wan to drive cuz i scared... den she sae if scared bile nak jadi experience... the next day i drove to causeway point... it was a wrong idea to drive there on a sat.. can u imagine the no of cares ard there... sumore it was pouring... haiz.... I DUN WAN TO DRIVE BUSY ROADS!!!!! but experience wise at least i hav conquer the diff situation... love it...

2006-12-15T10:52:00.000+08:00

hahaha... finally the day i've been waiting for... my driving test.....
I PASSED!!!!!! woohoo...

here is my thank you note to all.
mummy: thanx for staying by my side each time i go for practise iving me encouragement... i love you sooo much mummy... u never fail to keep me warm even wen i ws super nervous juz now... love u sooo muchie....
eleena: thanx for believing in me... wat wud i do if i had nt met u... thanx for giving me ur time wenever i grumble bout my driving instructors... u are the place i put all my complain... heex...
to all whu wish me: thanx for believing in me... i hope in watever u guys are in u will succeed wit flying colour...

well i'm super happy... onli God knows wat i am feeling rite now... i have lots to thanx... to princess and Suria i will drive u ard Singapore provided my mum gif me the green lite okie...

to all N levels takers... good luck for ur results okie...
eleena: i noe u will succeed okie... take care i wish u all the best... believe in urself...
cuz hafiz: all the best dearie... jgn naughty2... choose ur path wisely...

2006-12-11T19:12:00.000+08:00

okie.. okie... here's for suzie... hahaha... actualli for everyone who haf been bugging me to updates... de reason i did not update cuz there is no major event for me and blogging juz takes lots of my time... hahahahaha... its cuz now i'm busy worrying bout my tp on this coming 15th dec... haiz dunno will pass a not... super scary... tips anyone??????

okie yest performance was a superb beside from some of us making mistake... but it was hell scary cuz for the first time in my entire duty to make up and prepare the gals i fail to do so yest.... it was jammed pack and i din even had time to do my hair and 'samping' haiz.... luckily gt my one lil angel ELEENA and my one superb fwen ZI XUE.... thanx to the both of u for making it happen for the first item.... we were suppose to dance for one item end up doing two... one before the vip arrive and the other after... first dance i wud admit i make mistake... haiz... was still recovering from a state of PANIC cuz i haven done my hair and samping wen they say stand by.... haiz... darn it.... second dance was well...

GREAT EFFORT DAYANG SENI... U GALS RAWKS....

my lil angel ELEENA

my mummy ZI XUE

iRaH_mAnJe

gals were asked to do a shot of their own... here's the pix....

my pose if u guys are wondering wat i doing... dat's me mum's car...

shakinah darls wat were u thinking???

has why are u siting alone smiling to urself???

suria posing wit her sweetest smiles

i juz love this shot... whu is dat cat opps... i mean gal crawling??? suziela...

nora wat u looking at???

me and shakinah..

thanx gals for showing our sponsored food... heex...

after de show i went to imm wit mum, sis, aleesyah and eleena... there to celebrate taufik birthdae... the place was jammed pack wen it was his show... u can imagine the queue for him to sign his album... more on his webbie... i brought my niece up cuz it is her 1st month old... heex... soo same same celebrate...

me: taufik happy birthdae... it is also her 1stmonth old tau...
taufik: she is cute wat is her name??
me: aleesyah..
taufik: wat???
me: aleesyah
taufik: cool dat is my niece name too...

wow its super cool... heex....

2006-11-19T15:23:00.000+08:00

hellossss ppl... how are u guys doing... been a long time since i last blog... busy lah... wit attachment and onli weekend to rest no time to sit down and blog bout wat have been happening...
[5/11/06]
went jln raya wit my peeps again... these time tak cover byk rumah but we still enjoy ourself... i kena called crazy by NOORul....

me juz before going out... love it...

me and suria while waiting for the rest to cum...

eleena tembam and irah manje...

all of us except me...
we also meet cikgu halimah dere and took pix la... but nt my cam...
after going cikgu hse we all parted... cuz the next dae me werking den still muz go and buy my shoe....
[6/11/09-10/11/06]
attachment at EMD... its super fun finnaly i get to see how the workflow at the e-dept is like... met a few nice staff there... the lecturer gave us no break cuz he kept posting us alll the question he can think... haiz... overall EMD is a nice place to be at la but i dunno if i'm cut out to be a e-nurse la.... mayb it will cum wit experience... verdict: all pass the posting...
[12/11/06]
went to mendaki specialised training at douby ghout at 10am... i was super earli la... i muz say i cud see lots of ppl staring at me la...reason being i wan wearing my baju kurung... haiz... whu wud go there wearing baju kurung??? we had to wear it cuz we re celebrating hari raya as well la... meet lots of diff people there and here's the grp shot...

[13/11/06-17/11/06]
my ot posting... haiz.... its enjoyable but stressful... manage to scrub 2 cases... but of course minor ones la... all the op i saw was a real eye opening experience for me la... always at ward u dunno wat ur pt going it for den suddenly they are back in the ward post op... now i get to see the real think... its super fun la... gt a feedback from one of the nurse la... gave a good feedback but sae i too quiet... ask me open up more... heex... wat can i sae.... shy la...

me and elene princess....

the gals... mama hwee chin, elene princess, irahmanje, sam
[18/11/06]
went vivo city wit eleena and suria... not sooo much of an outing la cuz tak stay lame... dear's mummy ask her go home before 8... here is a shot of me....

waited for eleena to cum fetch me by cab cuz it was raining... by the time reach dere tak hujan... angry seh.... haiz... walk2 while waiting for suria... decided to eat first since she say she eat already... had our dinner at Secret Recipes... love it soooo muchie...
[19/11/06]
morning morning had to wake up... follow mummy to her com's fun bowling... super stress play wit mummy... wat can i sae she champion for ladies in the league bah den i still dunno how to play... sooo must make her proud i very stress...

mummy and daughter team...

love this cuz its the first time i ever beat my mummy... if not she always win...

and overall we won 4th position...

the rightfull owner sooo proud... heex...

so hope u guys enjoy a long post from me ya.. back to prepare for tomolo shift... geron posting give me a headache... haiz.... now have to keep my gear up its 26days to my tp... haiz... hope to get it done and over wit... i wan my licence soooo badly.... taking care u all...

eleena stay happie... love u sooo much sweetie... u noe wat is in my mind without me having to say... love u sooo much....

2006-11-05T11:17:00.000+08:00

before my raye outing wen for my driving evaluation... and i FAILED.... all was well till de end the motorcyclist appeared out of nowhere... haiz... muz go again... sob sob....

okie raye outing with the gals were a BLAST... i dunno bout the rest bt i sure enjoyed myself... first hse was mine... all gathered at ard 2 plus... wanted to head down to eleena hse but it was pouring... damn... but i guess the rain din stop out outing....

first pix for the day... princie i guess u are rite i LOVE my hair....

my love and me... thanz for the dae my dear...

grp shot at me homie.... love u gals soooo much...

from there we proceed to eleena's hse... it was pouring and my hair was wet... terrible terrible... had to blow dry it at eleena hse... sad sad... hahahaha... her mum cooking was superb... love it soooo much... den we proceed to kak sulastri hs...

suria is always posing for the cam... u ROCK gal... hanis aper tu peeeping2 kat tepi????

suzie posing sendiri nampak... hehehehe...

group shot at umah kak sulastri....

den we proceed to idah's hse...

me n idah...

den we go to queenstown den tanglin n last was holland... plan was not well followed cuz by the time we reach holland it was 10plus n den all dun wan to go woodland... so we took cab back home sending has to j.east mrt and hanis homie... haha...

dat's it cuz now i haf to siap2 to go out later again... n also prepare for me attachment tomolo... sianz.....

2006-10-28T11:56:00.000+08:00

hmmmmmm..... the weekend is back... hahaha... love it soooo muchie muchie..... juz finish my first paper yest... abit stressful la... to lk, a lunch before paper is a no no... it makes me super sleepy while doing the paper... and i dun understand wat the hell i'm writing... juz hoping dat i will pass the paper.... so much for exams... let's talk bout my hari raye.......

day 1... of course before proceeding to wak idah's hse me wit family seek each other forgiveness den took picture before makan....

a perfect family photo... sister, mum, me and minnie...

juz me... posing at ma room...

me and sister..

after we makan... me and mum proceed to
wak idah's place... all suppose to gather at 1130 but wen we cam onli gt mama dilla's family... den ard 1145 like dat den all start to cum one by one.. den start to seek for
giveness before we proceed to the next hse... before that more pictures...

mum with wak idah...

me, ryan(lastest addition to the family) and mum

at our 3rd hse...

me in mummy car...counting the daes to me tp....

me wit ma fav cuz....

after going to about 9 houses ma last stop is ma granny hse... which onli ma famili go... juz me, mum and sis....

my wonderful granny.... love her and love her cooking....

last pix for the day... am and angel sent from above.... hahahahaha....(like real onli)

day2... not much pix taken dat dae... we onli go two hse... main reason of going out is to visit my uncle whu is hospitalised on the nite before raye... poor him kena fever...

taken at one of the hse... mum is the camera lady...

wen we came back from jln raye i suggested we go vivo city... yup yup... the place is damn big... din shop much la cuz we onli wan to take a look... cannot take pix cause camera no batt sooo use wak idah's camera... not much shot also... heex....

sooo that is basically how i spend ma hari raye... now back to mugging cuz.... still gt two more papers... i can't wait for my OT and ED attachment which is starting on the 6th... that's about it guys.... taking care... to NR0402... study hard and may all pass with flying colours...

2006-10-21T13:09:00.000+08:00

yippe!!!!!
skul is finally over.... now its prep to hari raya and exams... sharks!!!!
i still gt truckloads of things to do... haven revise finish den raya cuming...
haiz... dunno how sia...

okok... enuff of my misery.... yest i went to perm ma hair...
yesh yesh... it is finally done... hahahaha
thanx princie lee kheng for accompanying me thru the whole process...
wen i reach there i still wasn't sure if i'm going thru wit it cuz i couldn't find the perm i wanted...
its super scary u noe... u not noeing wat is going to happen to ur hair... haiz....
so i finally decided the type of perm... den boss help me do la... i'm surprise he still remember me from the time i came dere to rebond ma hair... he sooo funny sia... he was triming ma hair wen i ask him if i need to go after treatment and wat is the freq... den he say monthly also can... den he shock den tell me i cut ur hair already lehx... dun tell me dun wan to do... hahaha... i laugh and said no la i still doing it... it was juz a question...

de gal from mars... as quoted by princie...

dun like this process cuz i had to tilt my head back...

princie insisted that i take this shot cuz she say i look like stingray... hahahaha

den came the drying process... hahaha... the aftermath look great... i can't beleive its done... can't wait to show ma hair... but i shall leave it to a surprise till u guys meet me... hahaha...
here is the catch to the beautiful done up hair..... it cost me $129... i can't wash ma hair for 2 days (dat will explain why i'm at home on a weekend) and i haf to grab lotion for it so i muz maintain it well....

meet eleena for buka... we took pix and end up in a misunderstanding... haiz... my heart hurt terribly and i dunno wat else to say la... i hold back my tears cuz i dun wan mummy to see it... haiz....

i need to bake more of my cookies cuz thanx to akak it onli left one box... haiz... more baking for me to do... and i also wan to make extra for my friends to eat... cuz they simply love it...

eleena... i noe things are not going smoothly... i promise u all will go well after my problems have settled... if u can't take it these cuming weeks i understand if u need a break okie... no hard feelings cuz i heart heart u lots... you mean the world to me... wat more can i ask for... i go YOU in my life... i'm sooo sorry for hurting u...

2006-10-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

okie.. had a pretty busy week this week and more busy week is cuming cuz ma exams are cuming... haf of the time i'm not even in lecture... how to pass sia... super duper scary and i think i am going to go into a state of anxiety disorders... hahahahahahahahaha.... okie la major muging on the way but wit hari raya otw how to study sia... i muz make it to next sem... ma goal.. and i AM going to achieve it...

juz finish writing ma report on the nursing project... i really hope we can pass and make it... heex... i'm actualli freaking out cuz i dunno how to do in-text referencing and also writing down all the references... soo hard... haiz...

lots of things to do... ma room have not done cleaning cuz i super lazy... hahaha... den ma baju raya not yet collected... i super stress sia... okie okie... breathe irah breathe... i'm gonna start mugging ma hs 3055 first... cuz its the first paper... byetz ppl... taking care okie... i noe some are complaining i neber update... i'm trying ma best... i think u guys msg me will be better... hahahaha...

eleena dearie... thanx for spending ur time wit me... wat more can i ask for i got the BEST sister in the world... hahaha... LUV u truckloads... u take care take care... cant wait for hari raya... same like last year??? i think this time it will be lest celebration lah... EXAM~~~~~~~~ hahaha... luv u ma angel.. take care.... dun worriew i will work hard and pass ma exams okie...

2006-10-09T11:51:00.000+08:00

okie okie ppl... here is ma update... soriew if kip u guys waiting no time la... hahahaha...
well ever since fasting mth i canoot stare at the comp too long the onli time is like ard 630pm juz to wait for buke time... hahahaha...
went to geylang with my nyp creepz last tues after my assessment which by the way i PASSED!!!. went wit lyza, nasha, princie, ying2, joycelyn, yu im, mei ling, fanny, jason.... we buke at haig rd la... the oredered quite a number of dishes and at the end we played game to finished up the food... hahahaha... poor fanny had to finish the food... hahahaha... after that we went jln2... i wanted to buy baju but dunno y like tak minat... haiz... diz year dun realli feel like celebrating... at the end lk bout a baju for herself... she look very pweeeety... hahaha... yu im wanted to buy a baju at FL but den wen we went back dun haf liao... poor her... so i went back home taking cabby alone... its super scary...

den on fri i went to geylang again this time with ma gossipslaydees.... hahaha... ele, suria, fad and shahidah... super duper long neber meet them sia... we laugh and had our own mini fun... fad as usual disturbing ppl ard her... hahahaha... wanted to grab baju but nothink cuaght my eye in the end i bought kebaya but the material is organza... went back taking cab wit ele.... reach home mummy start scolding say y i buy that baju la... it look big on me la... doesn't suit me la... soooo i was super fd up i told her off and sae i am going to change it...

went back to the shop on sat... reach there ard 3plus... den they say cannot gif money back sooo we had to pick another dress... dunno wat to buy and nothink caught ma eyes... sob2... me and eleena like idiots walking ard the shop dunno wat to buy... finally ard 4plus den we manage to buy our baju... its kebaya laboh... haiz... i am going to alter my baju cuz its super laboh... cannot cannot... i look short wearing it... hahahaha....

eleena dearie... wat a week we had together... i realli appreciate the time u spent wit me... love u truckloads... thanx for being with me all tis time... i noe ur n level is finsh at i wish u all the best for the results... u never fail to make me laugh each time we are together... thanx ma dear...

p/s: to everyone else... pix uploaded next time...

2006-09-30T13:56:00.000+08:00

okie its been such a long time since i blog... partly because of ma super duper busy schedule...
skul is never ending wit projects and assignment to be completed...
fasting month is here and i'm super tired to even sit in front of the comp...
i haf to get busy wit ma driving practical though the tp is in dec... haiz... sooo many things to do sooo little time...

i've been feeling sick these past few daes... either sleep wit a bad flu or wake up in the morn not being able to smell... hahahaha... well life journey have been great wit ma fwens ard me...
walk wit princie yest and her qns stunned me "how cum nowades we not close arh??"
seriously ma dear i dun realli noe.. hahaha... perharps fasting month den no more lunch together sooo thats y... i also dun stay in skul for sooo late... hahaha... naughty i noe... i hope we will be as close as before... promise...

okie idol season has ended... that mum fwen for the tix... i realli enjoy maself... and i think so does all the rest whom i hav been bringing along to the specs and the finals... i hope u guys enjoy urself... HADY u are the best... but no offence i still LOVE TAUFIK!!! heex...

here's a lil something for my fwens....
life is short...
we dun realli realise whu are our true fwens within this short period...
sometimes we get upset wit the ppl whu we are close wit...
sometimes we hurt them tooo deep dat we wish we cud turn back time...
but ever wonder y things happen the way they are???
maybe its for us to accept these challenges in life sooo that it will make us stronger in the future...
we usualli take things for granted in life...
refusing help for fear losing face...
trying hard not to admit our mistake cuz of ego...
wen ppl stop being polite notink goes well...
ma advice to u is neber say thing u might regret...
if u make mistake do apologies...
no point kiping secret but in de end it hurt u or someone close...
last but not least...
LOVE YOURSELF CUZ I LOVE YOU!!!!!
take care ma fwens....

2006-09-08T19:56:00.000+08:00

okie one late post from me... hahahaha... haven had time to sit in front of ma comp... intended to change ma blog skin but was super lazy and tired... been and back home late this week... okie i shall start wit sun...
3/9/2006
this date was ma mummy b'dae... hahaha... i morning2 left home meet eleena to buy mummy a cake to celebrate... soooo after ele tuition we went cake hunting at gek poh... hahaha... not much choices la... one shop was close the other one cake haven cum... hahaha... went to buy breakfast before checking on it agin and yup the cakes have arrived... yummy.... after buying the cake went home... since i wanted it to be a surprised, me and ele went up to the 9 floor to set up de cake... we were super excited but arh..........
went we walk in front of de door shouting happy birthdae no one was at the living room... the birthdae gerl was busy in the kitchen... sooo funny.... hahaha... wanted to surprise her in the end all got surpised.... hahahaha

the birthdae cake

my mummy.....

gave her ma prezzie after dat la... it was the bag she wanted soooo much.... hahahaha....

6/3/2006
SI2 specs #9.... went wit suria, has, yasmin, shakinah and nora... since gt the standing tix i make sure we be there early... it pays to be kiasu sometimes... hahaha... got the best standing position la... hahahaha.... here are some pix taken...

me at homie... ngah siap2... hahaha... ma ne shirt bought at jb... lub it...

de gals... okie has is the camera lady.... or shld i sae hady fans....

okie... well after the show i got a hug... guess who its from?????
HADY MIRZA.... hahahahahahaha.... soooo happy sia.... dun worry hady i'll vote for u thru.... hahahaha.... u are my idol no matter wat happen all the best for ur career....
p/s: sorry shakinah... next time awak nyer turn okie...
after that was suppose to go find the idols but they neber sae at where aniwae mummy call to say she fetching me pulak... hahahaha... dun wanna make her angry sooo i followed thru....

i'm super tired todae.... training has been hard each dae... i will make it... i'm going to prove to myself... luv me... hahahahaha... muz stay strong to achieve ma goal...

to those whu think that life is worthless i wan u to sit back, close ur eyes and listen to ur heart... if u whu are living in world where u can wake up the next day to see water running out of ur tap, electricity running thru the hse, food in the cabinet juz for u to grab, clothes for u to change, money for u to buy thing u need den think again how about those ppl whu can't even haf a feel of all these things we take for granted... how about those whu a disabled but still werk thru their hearts and soul out sooo they too can achieve thei goals in life... our life are filled wit both happiness and sadness... it is for us to learn to get back on our feet wen we fall for us to lay back wen we feel too tired... neber think u are in the worst situation cuz u neber noe somehow there is someone in this world whu are suffering more then u are... never feel that u are alone cuz somehow there is someone out there whu wants to reach to u but u are not opening the door in ur heart... live life to the fullest if u ever make a mistake try to seek forgifness... dun juz stop there change the situation... make the life u haf now a happy one sooo one day in future u can tell everyone i haf live a wonderful life shld anithing happen i think i will not regret not doing something cuz i haf live ma life to the fullest and achieve all my desired goal... point to note: "DUN EVER GIF UP WITHOUT EVEN TRYING! IF U FAIL PULL URSELF TOGETHER AND TRY AGAIN! TRY AGAIN TILL U ACHIEVE UR GOAL IN LIFE!"

thanx eleena dear for accompanying me thru all this time... hahaha... i love u soooo much... sooo far onli u noe wat is going thru ma mind and in ma life... hahahaha.... thanx i wun not hav done it w/o u... u are ma angel send to be by ma side... no one can ever replace u... hahaha... one thing for sure....... U ARE MINE!!!! hahahahahaha..... no words can descibe the feeling shld i ever lose u ma dear... thanx once again... we shall work hard for our goals okie... 2006 is going to be an eventful year for both of us...

2006-09-01T19:29:00.000+08:00

i can't believe this ma holidays are ending....
argh... dun feel like holiday lehx... hahahahaha... fetch nana on sat nite... den on sun we went to TOY'R'US... i bought for her cookie monster... it was supper cute wen she see the big version of it... actualli she was attracted to the eyes... hahaha... i tout buy for her the big one... but den i tout how isshe going to carry it sia... hahahaha...

well mon i went to jb wit elene, lee kheng and elene bf.... it was super fun... hahahaha.... wen we reach there we took a cab to JUSCO to shop la... but me and kheng was not spending cuz we wan to shop for our levi's jeans... soooo we walk ard the JUSCO wit nothink to buy... finally i said I WAN DUNKIN'S DONUT... hahahah... it was supppper delicious... yummy... i love love it soooo much.... den we took cab back to CITY PLAZA to shop... its been ages since i went there cuz we enter wit mummy and mama dilla always go ANGSANA... okie wen to de levi's shop and i can't find ma size... was super sad... i cannot believe it... SOB2... hahaha... actualli expected la... aniwae i din let it bother me much la but my PRINCESSES cannot tahan den they bring me ard and make me try on all the clothes they think suit me... hahaha.... end of the day my hair was messy but it was worth it... hahahaha.... i bought 2 shirt and 1 skirt... lub lub shopping... i wanted to buy the shoe but i din... hahahaha... silly me...

tues is filled wit lil sadness la soooo wun story much... den on wed i went to IMM while waiting for eleena to come back... it was super tiring and lonely walking alone... and i am not the type of gerl whu love to walk out alone... hahahah... wen she reach IMM i start to shop for ma BBQ stuff for thurs... it was super fun shopping wit eleena... we like playing game like dat... hahaha... i bought for nana two set of clip... super cute... we ate at long john den back home by cab... hahahaha... and worst it was raining heavily....

come thurs, morning2 waited for eleena to fininsh skul la... suppose to be half day but dunno why like soooo long like dat... den wen she finish i meet her at jp... diz nana was soooo naughty started crying wen i go out and insisted that i bring her... she din wan to change her clothes summore sooo i had to change it outside... aiyoh... den it was drizzling and she refuse to let me hold the umbrella... so one hand carry her while the other trying to hole the umbrella which was soooo closed to her.... reach jp dun wan to walk ask me to carrry... soooo naughty... den send nana back to me homie den send ele back to her home while waiting for her dad to allow her to go to the BBQ wit me... finally he said yesh... sooo i went back home to pack the things while waiting for her to come... it was raining ma place and at everyone else's tooo sooo everyone was calling and msging aking for bad weather plan... finally at 4plus i took a cab wit eleena to ecp... reach there it started to stop raining... YIPPEEEEE!!!!! but den gt sooo many red ants sooo we had to start fire but all the guys we out playing blading soooo the gerls start fire... and i was supper small... hahahaha... great effort everyone... wen elene's bf came back to the pit he start a big fire for us... but we were all concentrating on the food none of us go and watch the fire... hahahaha... i went walk2 wit eleena wen she gt bored... can't blame her la... so shy dunno anione... mummy came at 9 to fetch me and eleena bt i told her to eat first la... den at 945 den we went off from there... i knew by then we are going to be late... eleena haf to reach home at 10... sooo otw ask her call her mummy but kena shout... haiyoh... luckily back at home neber kena scolding la... (gt trouble uploading the pix...)

den it was to day... came back to skul to do our project la... wantyed to spent juz 2hrs but i overshot the time cuz the painting all sooo late... paiseh arh ppl... everyone was worried bout the project arh... after day i took cab to eleena's hse la..wan to take mrt but the bag sooo leceh... hahahaha... i noe i lazy... hmmmmmm mummy birthdae is in two days time i realli dunno wat to get her...

HAPPI BIRTHDAE WAK IDAH!!!!!!

to you... i wun force u to like me... if u dun like me den juz back off... i dun need ur company... i am not a toy for u to play wit wen u gt no one else and put me aside wen u found something new... u are a hypocrite and i'll say this juz once... IF U DUN LIKE ME BACK OFF... DUN SHOW THAT U ARE BOUND TO ME CUZ I DO NOT CONTROL U... u lead ur own life... i can't change ur perception of me... i am the way i wan to be... u dun like tell me straight to ma face and i will accept it... i can't change for u to like me cuz i am not perfect... i dun expect u to like me to cuz i noe where i stand at least i am still down to earth... if u think dat u juz wan to be wit me to gain ur benefit think again.. i am not as stupid as u think...

eleena dearie... i admit i am feeling very insecure... i guess i still need time... i hope u wun take ma words to heart... i noe it is hard for u... i am trying to change things cuz i think i cannot adapt to this situation... dun woriew... i will share all my problems wit u but i guess i still need space... i thank u for being sooo faithful to me and supporting me against all those ppl... dat make me LOVE u more... i dunno wat i'll become w/o u in ma life... thank you once again for being there and i'm soriew if i ever hurt u...

2006-08-19T20:27:00.000+08:00

OkIe another lat post from me... hahaha... no time to blog... here it is...

Mon 14/8
yesh its another year and i turn 19 tis year... hmm.... cum to think of it i din cut or blow any candles this year... sob2 but i was the one whu refuse hahaha... aniwae was nearly late for skul... tried to dress myself for a best day..

me in car on the wae to skul...
yup yup... i think as my age increases my chubby cheek also grow... hahahaha... well skul was fun that dae... i kena sabo with cold water... sob sob... dat was after ica.... and a good timing they did in rite before we entered de library... well my fwens kept my present in my bag la... hoping to surpise me... hahahah i know and act innocent den dey all call me "silly gerl" sob sob...

me and elene... at mac while rehearsing for ica...

de whole crew... pluz willy...

me opening my present from them... look at my fringe soooo curly...
after that i went to harbourfront to meet eleena and suria... we went to eat at banquet and it was lots..

eleena first present to me...

next one...

suria present to me...
after lunch and walking ard... i went home taking 30 wit eleena...
p/s: to all whu wished me.. thank you sooo much for remembering it... yet another year hav passed and we hav been frenz... taking care always all...

Tue 15/8
nothing much happen in skul... i kena sabo wit pepsi to my hair... sob2...

Fri 18/8
Happy 50th Anniversary Queenstown Sec!!!
after skul i went to qtss den to ele homie and back to qtss...
was excited to do the girls make up la... but i think i was the onli one excited dat day... went there wit happiness i end up wit hatred... i dun like to be misjudge... if u dun like me juz BACK OFF... dun haf to sae things behind my back... u dun even RESPECT me... its pointless for me to comment... if u dun like my werk u dun haf to CONDEMNED... i dun go there to listen to ur SARCASTIC remarks... i dun take ORDERS from u rather its from the teachers... u are juz SELF-CENTERED and SELFISH bunch of ppl... u onli think bout yourslef... if u find me a HASSLE den juz tell me i'll leave... i'll make it clear to u now... I DUN NEED YOU TO BE HANGING ARD ME!!! I ONLI NEED PPL WHU CAN PRODUCE!!! NOT COMPLAINED BUT NO WERK!!! dun treat me as though i am ur slave cuz i am not..

Sat 19/8
was at Causeway Point for the "Lebih Sexy, Katakan Tidak" Radshow by Mendaki... not as audience but as the volunteer... it was a fun day for me... well meet new ppl again... de sun din not spare us and we had to continue our werk under it... but it was fun... heex... took a pix wit hazrul..

he is sooo tall...
after dat wen to meet eleena and had dinner at KFC.. actually its an early dinner la cuz it was at 430 wen we had it...

to shakinah: i wan u to know that the decision u are making is not a good one.. u dun need others to make urself happy. kip ur conscience clear and dun bother wat other sae... u are CUTE so wat if she dun see it... show her dat u are whu u are... u dun live to do others bidding remember... stay happie...

eleena, i hope u understand me better after dat dae... i realli dun wish to repeat it again... as much as i care bout u, i'm sure u noe wat was going on in my mind at that time... well i was happie to hear ur confession bout how u feel... dun worry u shld noe me better... i love spending the week wit u... u stood by me no matter wat others say.. thanx sooo much so being there wit me all along... good luck for ur prelim paper... u can do it...

2006-08-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

okie2... i'll update.... hahaha... actualli veli lazy but this one for ya shakinah....
practicalli did nothink much during de days of ma absence... except for preparing for my project werk... due this week... dunno why but i haf this feeling dat the last yr of poli life we all like can't be bothered... haiz... aniwae can't wait for ma b'dae tomolo... i dun expect much celebration la... mum werking and i gt skul till 5... sob2... haiz...
last mon i went to do my eye-brow trimming... it was not superbly done la... it doesn't look like me and eleena say i look fierce... haiz... here's a peep...

on tues went to see sing idol... went wit suria, siti(suria cuz), eleena and myself... we wanted to haf de seats but end up standing... hahahaha... soooo funny... so we had to stand for about 2 hrs... i was sooo irritated by a grp of kids standing in front of us... dey were behaving very childish... shouting and playing wit each other...

on wed wanted to go see fireworks at esplanade and as the news haf appeared there is no fireworks so we went to marina square... me suria and eleena... eat at cavana... den we went back taking cab...

in the cab to esplanade...

me and suria

me and ma dear...

finally yesterdae we went to see fireworks at espanade... it was superb i muz sae... de fireworks was interesting... i lub it yup yup... but i think i dun like is the ppl there... i mean everyone wans to get a good view but u still haf to give others some space.... before that i went for my course... it was interesting and fun... meet two funny gerls there... we do nothing but laugh at each other... haiz... after watching the whole fieworks thing went to meet ele mum, cuz and her sons... they are sooo adorable... but quite hyper la.. so muz use other ways to make them listen... but it was fun having them ard... i'm having trouble uploaing ma images.. so next time perharps...

taking care always ppl... to all N level students doing their prelim good luck... to all PSLE students doing their prelim good luck too...

eleena, i dunno why but i feel different nowadays... mayb ur dream put me in touts... well i dun think i am me in the first place but nevertheless i thanx u for staying by my side all this time... i realli need that someone by me and u stood strong beside me... thanx ma dear... i'm sooo lucky i found u...

2006-07-23T16:39:00.000+08:00

its kinda late post but ma dearie...... happie 16th birthdae... hahahahaha...

been and back from her chalet... was super tired but mum wanted me to follow her to imm.... so now den i'm free to blog... hahaha... super duper long time since i last blog... okie so here is how ma days at eleena chalet were spent...

day 1:
after skul went to fetch eleena from commonwealth... was initially excited to go... planz were changed since she nd to get her hair cut... so we went to gek poh from boon lay interchange... den back to homie... rest a while... gt a call from ele to buy things at giant... haiz bag sooo heavy had to carry... heex... and de sun was super hot.... okie so went i reach her place i rest again while waiting for her cuz to cum at fetch... nearly slept at her homie cuz i was superb tired... hahahaha... finally ard 5plus den we moved ot of the hse... traffic was quite heavy at ecp... once we settle at the chalet we went parkway parade to grab food... thanx abg sulaiman for driving us ard... heex... after dinner i was sleepy so we rest on de bed... yup2 ma eyes cudn't take it... hahaha... first time chalet first nite i felt sleepy... so me and ele slept in de room... juz de two of us at first it was pretty scary... hahahaha...

day2:
woke up at 9plus... waiting for uncle to bring breakfast... after breakfast wanted to play bowling but little did i noe dat the place open at 12... haiiz... so we walked back... at ard 3plus suria, haz n yazmin reached... i took ma shower after mama era n family came... dressed de b'dae gal up... lets have a peep...

her make-over face... hahahahah

diz is how she look like... ma dear dear... will always be in ma heart...

me and her... hahahaha... i look sooo "big"
hmmmmm.... i thins i forgot to take pix of is the decor... hahahaha... was super busy... aunty nana came with the cake.... lets look at it...

her birthdae cake... specially done by aunty suzanna... yup2.. it is sooo nice and veli sweeeeetttttzzzz....

top view...
finally at ard 8 plus began de cake ceremony... want to sae "cutting cake" neber cut... heex... we had Erwin to sing live for us...

making a wish before blowing all de candles... heex... den came mum, dad n bro feeding eleena... heex...

grp pix..

second part of the grp pix...

lastly came de sabo part for de day... by Yanti and cuz...

the aftermath... poor dear... after wash face she had a long scratch mark on her forehead...

day3:

wake up earli to shower... had breakfast and den pack up to go back homie... haiz... soooo tired n sleepy...

eleena dearie... i treasure the times we spent together the last three daes was uper fun... can't wait for another one... heex... i hope u dreams and wishes cum true... and hope u will excel in ur studies... never gif up okie... i will be there wen u need me... dun wan us to drift apart... take care... lots of luv from me to u...

2006-07-09T10:27:00.000+08:00

ITS A SUCCESS!!!!! yippe!!!
after weeks of practising... we performed well yesterdae.. except for certain mistake but i was still happie wit it... all was sooo graceful... i like...
p/s: some of ur pix may not be in that is because it is blur... send them to me and i'll include it...

me maself... aiyah neber adjuz de shirt properli...

me in ma nirmala outfit.

me wit yasmin

me wit nora...

nirmala girls...

aiyah shaky la... DAYANG SENI!!!

i love de whole performances... video will be uploaded later... not wit me... hahaha... cikgu ask us to continue to practise... as if there is available show den we can juz preform... heex... thanx to everyones effort for making it a success... i hope Dayang Seni will be recognise in future... taking care always...

ma dearest... u mean lots to me... i dunno wats wrong mit me mayb jealousy took de better of me in de past... but i hope will will be back together... taking care always... thanx for being there wit me always... i love ya truckloads....

2006-06-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

Todae was another exciting dae for me... went back qtss to do de make-up of de dancers... was pweety scared cuz i dunno how i'll fair this time... on de wae kept thinking of how i shld i mix de colours to make it more lively... hmmz... before i left homie..

nothink to do... mirror image...

all bout me...

okie... bad thing happen to dae... ma silly make up box drop open juz now at the bus stop at everyone there juz stare and look at me... so paiseh... worst thr ppl neber help... wat is this.... haiz... okie la i juz pick up ma stuff finally a guy help me pick up ma eye hsadow and brush which i din realise and was close to him... quite in a no mood while on de train... somemore weather was darn hot... haiz... wen i reach queenstown mrt station... a guy tap me and i turn onli to realise it was zol... sooooo long neber meet him... hahahahaha.... gt fwen to walk to skul if not i had taken de cab... reach skul pweety earli so sat at the bench while waiting for cikgu to fetch me from general office... okie started to make-up them as they came... yasmin was ma first victim... hahahaha... okiela overall make up was okie but i din had time to complete while in skul and had to finish off at SMSS... hahahaha.... here are the pix...

muah creation... i noe cannot see de make up...

girls in pink...

girls in white...

group pix wit cikgu roza...

me wit nora...

me wit has...

me wit shakinah...

after their performance which i muz sae is a good one... all rest and grab a mini bite...

resting

after dat back to skul n back to homie... hahahahaha...

2006-06-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

had a happie time todae... finally got to meet ma dear2 princie after a very long break from each other... hahaha... but too bad juz for a while onli... cuz i haf to go meet ma mummy dear whu is sick... hahaha... but had a real wonderful time... love it to de bitz... we went prata hunting... haax... walk de whole arab st onli to find out there is no prata shop... so went back to Zam Zam restaurant...once we reach we took our pix... hahahaha...

elene...

lee kheng

and ma self... hahahaha...

so we start ordering food... while waiting for it to be serve more pix...

me and lee kheng...

me and elene...

finally its lee kheng and elene... hahahaha...

next will be a pix of wat we order... i think all will realli be shocked at de amount of food the three of us eat.... 1) chicken murtabak

2) mutton murtabak

3) mee goreng

4) nasi briyani.....

isn't de food lots????

of the three of last, elene was the last one to end her journey of feast... me and kheng gave up.. hahahaha... let see de aftermath... hahahaha...

scary isn't it to see de plate empty... hahahaha...

finally a pix of ma plate... look at all de onions... its soooo scary... hahahaha...

realli enjoy todae outing... thou short but i still had fun... haiz... looking back at time it had juz been a while dat we had met each other... i hope de bond shall last between us... love u guys sooo much... taking care always...

eleena dearie... taking care of urself okie... i noe u sick and dat make me worry more bout u... i'm sooo soriew for making u worry bout me but i hope u will take care of urself okie... love urself more alrite... love u ma angel... may our frendship last... dun wanna lose u for u are part of me.. love ya... mmmuacckks...

2006-06-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

another emo post from me...
dunno why but i feel like eveyone is against me...
this past few daes haven been great for me...
i dunno if de prob lies wit me...
nevertheless i shall not stop improving maself...
i feel betrayal...
no matter how much i explained to ya...
i dunno if u understood wat i meant...
if u think i am trying to talk big bout maself u gt me wrong...
mayb i shld be thinking twice bout it...
mayb all this time u haf been playing along and not being serious...
it is like a time bomb....
ticking away...
waiting for de time to explode...
i realli dun wanna lose it but i think everything in ma world is falling apart...
i treasure u...
but i dun see u doing it to me...
mayb i was rite all along...
i wanna put a stop to it...
i wanna be left alone...
plz let me go...
leave me so i can breathe once more...
dun cling on me as u may be hurt...
and dat is de last ting i wanna see u be...
u may sae i am unreasonable...
but for all de things u haf done to me before...
i think i ought to be careful...
i dun wan to trust someone whu will hurt me...
ma words may be harsh...
u may wan to leave...
i can't stop u...
i will still wish u all de best...
ma prayers will be wit u...
no matter where u are...

2006-06-18T19:16:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat i muz sae to u animore...

i had our interest in ma heart but i think all u care is urself...

how can u be soo selfish...

if u onli think bout urself wat about others...

i had enuff of u...

thankfully i had to onli put up to u 1 more month...

things will neber be de same between us...

i am not de sort whu bare grudges but since u started it first i shall play along...

if u hf problem wit me tell it staright to ma face...

dun go ard telling others how i behave...

u dun like me fine i can't do much...

from now on i'll let u decide...

u wan to handle us sooo much fine i'll give u de post...

i'll withdraw maself for i dun wan to get hurt...

hurt by ppl i trusted...

hurt by hypocrites...

those whu smiles wen ard me but nags behind ma back...

i'll sae this once and once onli....

HATE ME FOR ALL I CARE!!!!

I CANNOT MAKE EVERY1 LIKE ME NEITHER CAN I LIKE EVERY1...

i dun live to do ur biddings...

i haf ma own set of brains to think...

if u tink u can't handle me den i'll leave...

attachment are finally over on fri... good news is i passed... however memories in de ward i can neber forget... at times i am brought to think twice if this is de career i wan to live wit for de rest of ma life...

yesh ppl wud sae we shld draw a line in between our patients and us but i realli find it difficult to do it... this time de ward surprises me lots... i haf neber been in this situation before... in juz 3 weeks, 3 haf left... i was sooo scared... i tout mayb i cud haf done something to prevent it... thou some of de smiley faces appeared wen dey we discharge but the 3 whu left made a sudden impact in ma life... i need to do some sorting out in ma life... am i taking things for granted... i juz hope they will be able to R.I.P... my prayers will be wit them... for all out there... take good care of ur health... neber leave it to de very last bit of it to make up to de one u love... it is neber wrong for u to keep showing de one u love and treasure how much they mean to u... never stop loving others...

princess Elene... thanx for accompanying me thru-out the whole 6 weeks i muz sae... but i think the past 3 weeks haf brought us even closer... so much things haf happen... some difficult for us to accept... but i noe u will be strong... heex... taking care always... "dun worrie sayang, i'll not fall" hahaha... onli u noe i noe... hahaha...

princie Lee Kheng... i was sooo surprised u called me up last fri... heex... sooooooo........ WEN ARE WE MEETING????? hahahaha... real soon okie.... u also shld take care during attachment.... u will survive.... hahaha... erm... i wanna haf prata... so wen our date???

darling Eleena... u neber fail to keep me happy each time we meet... love the time we spent wit each other... i neber wan our friendship to fade okie... taking care ma love... I LOVE YA!!!

2006-06-09T20:31:00.000+08:00

i noe i may be small..

in this world i might sae...

i may be invisible dat none may see...

but at times i tout...

tout thru maself...

why muz this happen...

is it cuz i am too afraid to speak up???

am i taken for granted for wat i may be...

u may not realise it but it hurt me deeply...

i am nothink but a butterfly...

roaming ard w/o ppl noticing...

as de wind pass i flew to a place i am unfamiliar wit...

diz journey set on me...

i am a happie person not too long ago..

i love de species i am surrounded wit...

different each may be but they dun judge me..

i am even given time to show them what i am able to do...

but now in diz new environment...

species see others as a threat...

all along dey do is to try to prey on each other...

i am afraid but rite now i am de victim...

is it true de greatest or rather de prettiest will survive???

is it true de weak will always be looked down upon???

why can't dey juz be fair???

juz cuz i am not her species u dun haf to stay wit me???

all i ask for you to see me as whu i am not as whu ppl sae i am...

i may not be de smartest species ard but dat does not mean dat i am stupid...

dat does not mean u may ignore me....

i am soooo freaking pissed of wit u...

i will fly...

i will roam to a place i am happie at...

i dun need u and i dun really care if u want to put me down wit a lower score den de rest...

i will not be back dere for u to judge me animore...

i will fly to a place i am happie werking and being wit...

thou different species they treat me well...

so many things haf happen within this short period of life...

one can relli change how i view dem juz by a split second...

dey are de ones i can rely to but it all change now...

i am suddenly given diz wakening call...

i lost two dearly ppl i looked after todae...

but 1 hurt me de most...

i was dere not realising...

am i fit to be someone others rely to???

de picture of hw she look still plays in ma mind...

i noe i haf to draw a line but i guess such things can't be force...

i realli hope dey will be happie...

rite now it make me realise more how precious one life is...

thou there is lots for me to sae but i think i rather not...

i dun wan others to think i am venting ma anger here... so i shall end...

hAtE Me FoR ALl I CaRe. lIkE I SaE i cN NvR LiKe EvErY1 NeItHeR Cn I MaKe EvErY1 LiKE mE! iF u DuN LiKe To bE JuDgE dUn jUdGe oThErS!

2006-05-21T11:31:00.000+08:00

okie... been at least one week not blogging... heex... no time bah.. back from werk too tired to blog... well onli gt two major things which happen for de past week...

14/05/06
Mummy day... morning work up tried not to gif mummy anithing... not even wishing her... acted as per normal... well de prezzie was suppose to hide in de boot of her car so wen she open to take our bowling ball can surpise but den she was dere so cannot... after i shower and get ma self ready to go out den i gave her after making her a lil upset for being late la... i was thinking she might jump to joy and smile but i was wrong... she took de prezzie from ma hand hug me tite and started crying... my heart juz drop at dat moment... i juz cudn't take it animore... i stayed strong and ask her not to cry...

look at her teary eyes.. it realli saddened me..
de watch and keychain i bought for her..
i was even pissed off this dae cuz dat irritating gerl din even wish ma mum... she wasn't even dere... i could see dat ma mum was pretty upset but she din not show it... haiz...

20/05/06
suria celebrated her birthdae todae... was pretty fun la... well starting was pretty bored.. no offence but cuz no one haf turn up yet... den wen ppl start cuming in den it was pretty fun... here is a glimpse of her birthdae cake...

nice rite... but she cheated me... sob sob... starting say wanna put her i/c pix...
took abit of pix onli la... but it was pretty fun... den de 5 of us wen to play viking ship... it was super funny... hahaha... nothink to do so we play... hahahaha...

me wit de birthdae gerl...

one more week before ma surgical posting is over... time to take case next week but i am pretty scared.. i realli dunno how well i am going to be but i will try la... i muz PASS this posting.. it is sooo scary... den i still haf to complete ma 3 weeks of posting at medical ward before i can haf ma two weeks break... this is sooo tiring... ma legs are starting to ache... heex...

2006-05-13T22:44:00.000+08:00

u shld noe how much it hurts...
i dun wish to be a heartless person but i think u shld noe..
u shld be feeling wat u haf put me n mumthis time round...
i dunno wen u will ever change...
u neber make things rite...
do u realli wan to be in de centre of attraction???
u noe wat...
i had enuff...
i had enuff of all ur lies...
ppl sae once bitten twice shy...
i can no longer stand ur stupid behaviour...
pardon me for being rude but i realli thing u ought to think...
be a responsible 20yr old gal...
i hate u...
i realli hate u for hurting me...
this is juz too much...
i dun think i can stand ur stupid n nonsense animore..
wat do u take me as???
a small kid or a toy???
plz la...
i too hav feelings...
this world does not juz belong to u...
it involve lots of other ppl...
u keep telling me dun cry...
u keep telling me it hurt u to see me cry...
but do u wan to noe the truth???
u are the real reason why i cried even in ma sleep...
i dun think noe i can hold on to u much longer...
u noe wat???
i haf lost ma half...
i haf lost someone i had spend ma whole entire life growing up wit...
i haf lost that someone to a guy whu barely noe u...
i haf lost someone others are enjoying their comfort...
i haf lost someone i trust...
i haf lost someone i wanna share ma life wit...
i haf lost someone i called SISTER!!!
this time round u realli hurt me deep...
hurt me to de deepest dat i dun think it can ever be heal...
i doubt anione can heal this cut...

i gt ma mummy, dear eleena, and fwens whu kept me going each time i falls... they are there to catch me wen i fall... no matter how deep down i fall i noe there are still ppl whu cares... she haf taken ma happiness away... but i noe i shall not be sad for i dun wish to hurt ppl whu care bout me... i will stay strong... no matter how hard life is to me... i will not give up... it is hard for me... at times i juz feel like crying real loud... at times i feel like punching real hard to maself... but i noe it is silly for me to hurt maself wen she dun even care... i will show her wat is de meaning of happiness and love... i will show her whu is most important in one life...

eleena... thanx for all ur support... i can never repay all ur kindness... i will not be this strong if it is not for u.. u stood by ma side no matter how tough de situation is... thou we noe each other not long u still give me ur trust... thanx for being u and loving me... i can never thanx u enuff... thanx for accompanying me at ma darkess moment... at times i need to be alone u noe wen to come back... i dunno how i am going to face de situation if it is not for ur words of encouragement... u lit ma life thou we were like strangers de first time we met... u never give up on me no matter how stubborn i was... i'm sorriew if i haf ever hurt u soo deep... i will not walk out on u... thanx... u mean sooo much to me...

2006-05-07T14:00:00.000+08:00

finally fri was ma last dae in de ward....
sister was quite good gave us 30min earli release...
opps... hahahaha... aniwae we gt nothink to do so i guess she wan to release us earli for us to rest...
i dun wanna go back to de ward.. never... its not cuz of de staff but becuz we practically gt nothink to do dere... de whole time we are there we juz stand ard chatting wit each other... hahaha...

back to nuh tomolo... yippee... and i am going back to ma fav ward.... can't wait to meet all de staff... will update on de attachment part next week...

feeling quite sleepy nw.. cuz yest went to cuz hse to sleep came back at 4am... cuz ma mummy had to werk late nite cuz she involve in de ge thingy... poor mummy... past few daes she haf been going back at 11pm each nite... now she is sleeping in bed.. poor thing... still deciding wat to get for mommy dae...

situation haven much change.. she haf make it worst... i hate her.. i hate her for making all of us suffer... i realli hate her... why wun she come to her senses... i realli hate her... haven u made all of us suffer enuff??? now this??? haiz... when will u ever realise whu is much important...
eleena->i'm soriew for making u sad yest... its nt dat i dun haf faith in u but i wan feeling sooo pressurized by ma own problems yest.. i feel sooo stuck in a box dat i tend to juz feel sooo pissed off wil maself... i am truly soriew... but i wan u to noe i neber give up hope in u... i will make sure u pass ur exams wit flying colour no matter how busy i am...

2006-04-29T20:58:00.000+08:00

it has been a great week this tyme round... thou de prob still ard but i still manage to stay focus on ma life... no use getting upset animore... it will juz bring me down... thanx eleena for staying by ma side... love ya to de fullest... aniwae attachment at kkh was great met lots of "crazy" but fun ppl to werk wit.. staff are also ready to clear our doubts...

i pass ma semestral examinations... results were okie... not too good and not too bad... heex.. at least no supp papers... thanx to all whu haf kept ma in their prayers during ma exams... thanx mummy for always sending me during exams daes so i wont panic... heex....

one more good news... hahaha.... i bought de lovely phone i have been eyeing for and also change ma no... heex... introducing....... N7370
love it soooooo muchie.....

thanx mummy for driving me to and fro to LOT1 to purchase it... heex... yippe.... i am soooo happie.... den i went to jp wit ele after playing bowling wit mummy.... walk ard jp and eat swensens... heex.... decided to repay mummy kindness by buying for her a stand fan which she has been wanting to buy cuz she kept complaining "de fan at home going to spoilt la"... "not strong la"... "cannot feel de wind la"... soooo i finally bought 1 for her... and i had to carried it back home by hand maself... haiz... heex... dun wan to trouble ma dearest gerl cuz her eyes already swollen... sooo poor thing... haiz.... hope she get well sooon....
i'm off tooo resting....

no one can understand all de things happening to me other den u... soriew if i had cause u ani harm... sooo soriew to keep bothering u wit all ma problems.... thanx ma dear for staying by ma side n putting up wit ma silly nonsense... hahahahhaha....

2006-04-25T16:44:00.000+08:00

i'm SoOoOO fUcKinG pIsSed oFF......
i realli hate this.....
each tyme i ask something u act as though i am telling a joke....
i am tired but u juz dun understand...
muz everything be said to u before u get it????
why can't u juz be serious for once...
u realli think its fun is it???
do u noe at times it can be very irritating....

first it was ma sister now its u....
y??????? u guys juz can't wait for me to leave this world is it??????
all i ask is a lil understanding from both of u but i dun think i can ever get it....
i am soooo tired of being de one in charge of everything....
even every small fucking details....
can't u juz handle it urself....
i dun think i can ever hide this...
i'm soooo freaking tired of this situation i am in....
u never try to make an effort to help...
do u realli think i am ok juz cuz there is a smile on ma face????

i cant be strong...
i tried, mummy...
i juz can't...
this things is juz getting harder to handle each dae...
i'm soriew i cried in front of u last nite but i realli cannot take this freaking pressure...
i too wanna break at times...
i too need some comforting at times...
i dun think i can hold up much longer....
since she is not helping me why muz i be the one....
why?????
all u can say is dun cry sis but u never make an effort to help....
i realli hate this fucking situation...

i dunno why this is happening...
i juz can't find de reason to this...
i juz feel like sleeping pass all this problems but i noe i can't...
i dun wan to dissappoint u mummy...
i never wan but i realli can't handle this animore...
wat am i to do?????

2006-04-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

haha... finally ma new skin is completely done and wat is best is dat everything mine...
get it ppl... sooo dun steal... hahahahaha....
well quite simple la but i tried ma best.... took bout 1 hour plus to complete it... heex....

aniwaes... situation have not change much... sooo not much to sae... can't wait to go for ma attachment next week.... 8 weeks starting from mon... haiz... irah will make it....

will blog more later on....

2006-04-17T12:56:00.000+08:00

dissappointment filled de air....
wat am i to do??
whu am i going to turn to???
why is all this happening to me??/
whu shld i blame???

i ain't gonna be selfish to think juz bout me but de cut is too deep for me to bury....
i need someone to talk to but i am afraid...
wat will ppl sae???
wat if de person i share is someone i can't trust???
i am afraid...
wat if in this very moment wen dey need me, i fall....
i ain't dat strong...
there is no wae i am going to face this wit a smiley face...
i dun think i can hide ma expressions from those whu care...
but wat am i to do...

still not recovered from ma sickness i am brought to face this situation no one wan to be in...
shld i be selfish and leave...
wat if i crashed....
to HIM i pray each day for this to not happen but it did....
is all this a lesson for me???
or will dere be a blessing in disguise???
i realli dunno wat ma future will be but one thing for sure i will not let this happen to me...

to those whu are thinking wat i am facing whu wish to share ma burden i haf to apologies for not letting u guys noe the truth... i am so sorry...
for now i wish to make de rite decision...
but wat is the RITE decisions...

YA ALLAH!!! help me face this problem wit an ease mind so i wun collapse...
keep me safe... keep ma mum safe... keep ma family safe...

one thing all family fear to happen is happening....
no one can predict de future... all i ask is de best....

2006-04-12T12:49:00.000+08:00

sick... sick... sick....
been having this stupid cough for de past 1 and a half months... but funny it onli happen at nite and earli in de morns... i tried taking medicine but nothing seems to work... i din wanna go to de doc cuz there was no fever until last nite wen i was struck wit an episod of a major headache pain... took painkiller neber work... can't even get a decent sleep at nite... force maself to de doctor...

he look a lil bit worried as to why i neber see him earlier... he was going to arrange for me to do a CXR but den say he will hold first... if i still aint getting better he say he might have to send me... haiz... where am i going to find de money??? he said might probably due to allergies... but i still dunno wat... he sae might be ma asthma too... sooo i juz hav to watch these cuming daes... hopefulli will get better...

mon wen for ma complimentary fitness class wit suria... sooo fun... hahahaha... after which i went to meet eleena at commonwealth den we go jp to have our "lunner"(lunch and dinner) well i went to jurong west library to borrow three books... "starstruck" "armani angels" and "gucci girls" started de book "starstruck" yest and finish reading it... quite funni and interesting... wen being wit de popular grp of ppl it is very hard to resist helping dem even if it meant we might hurt our loved ones... next i am finishing "armani angels" which i started this morning... heex... hopefully by tomolo can start on "gucci girls"...

driving lessons is getting much stressful each lesson... haiz... i need to build up ma confidence level... dunno why also wen sitting in a car sooo much things is on ma mind... hope to take ma final theory before ma attachment start but dunno gt slot a not... haiz... see how next week...

as for now i need to take a break... sleepy la after taking ma medicine... nite nite everyone... hahahaha....

2006-04-07T19:44:00.000+08:00

hahaha...... exams finally over.... had a tough time this semester... dunno can pass de exams a not.... but i will still keep ma hope up high... heex....

have been having diz touts for sooo long and finally today i made ma decision.... wanna noe wat......... I CUT MA HAIR!!!! i nearly cried wen i see de moment de hair-dresser cut ma hair but after a while i think it is worth it.... heex.... pix will onli be up next tyme i guess.... hahaha... keep all ma princesses waiting... hahahahaha.....

well nothing much happening dis week.... i am also going to sign maself up for a club... total image change i guess.... heex.... can't wait to go for de trial class before deciding on wat class to enter... next up is ma cuming two weeks break den it will be ma attachment... and it will be ma EIGHT WEEKS of attachment... sob2.... but i think can make it la... heex... diz semester past sooo fast... sooo muchie things happen... well i juz hope that next year will be a blessed yr for everyone.....

to ma PRINCESS, PRINCIE, and PRINCESSA thanx for all de support u guys have given me and all de times we hav spent together... realli appreciated it... i hope our friendship will neber be disturbed... heex... once again thanx....

to HIM, well i noe i may not meant much in ur life but i juz wan ya to noe i am an individual dat also require loves... doesn't realli matter whu u are wit now but juz watch wat u sae bout me... u wun like it wen i am mad... if u realli did nothing i apologies... but i ain't wanna hear or see "dat" happen again... i am happi in ma journey of life i met u.... thanx for being ma fwen...

eleena dearie... i noe u meant to protect me but i hope u will stop and think also... he is afterall someone close to u... i juz hope that ur relationship will not be disturbed because of me... aniwaes i realli treasure de moment and times we spent together... thanx for encouraging me all this while... love ya to de bits... i hope we will be able to spent more happy times together... heex.....

2006-03-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

hmm... exams are ard de corners.... argh.... damn it... opps... major mugging is in de progress....

feeling quite shitty now cuz having diz very sore throat over 2 weeks.. haven been to de doctor cuz din have a fever.... aniwaes... its very irritating... aniwae yesterdae out wit suria and eleena... to ps.... watch de community chest concert... heex....
silly suria promoting swensens... haha...
after having our lunch we proceed down to de canvas area... heex... waiting for de four stars... sly, jeanette aw, rui en... and taufik... hahahaha....
jeanette aw singing her way...including rui en... answering de host question...
last but not least.... TAUFIK.... heex....

after de whole show we went back to jp... walk ard.... den back homie...wasn't feeling quite well... well i am sooo in love wit the NOKIA 7370... love it to de bitys.... argh... heex.... aniwae... back to mugging.... heex....

to all taking de exams.. alll de best... we will all make it alrites.... love u guys to de bits.... heex.... taking care always....

eleena dearest..... thanx for all ur support ma dear... heex... no matter wat have happen i pray for de best okie... u dun ever give up alritez.... heex... taking care always...

2006-03-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

i hate this feeling rite now but i dun wish to keep it any longer...
"she"
i dunno why but i somehow feel we are getting sooo far apart...
it is true??
at times i feel u are someone i cud trust
but this few daes everything juz changes..
no more happi talks between us nor is there time for us to spent...
mayb i am being paranoia but i think there is something wrong
therefor this gap occur...
i admit i am selfish but i juz dun wanna lose this frendship
but i muz say i can neber force ppl to be wit me...
all i asking for is for us to be like last time...
de happi times u spent wit me and talk to me wenever i need someone to talk to..
mayb i shld juz let u go but dat does not mean i dun need u animore...
i juz hope u will realise...
keeping my hopes up high...

i PASSED my assessment... YIPPIE i muz sae... okie lets not get too excited over it... last week i have been slacking a lot like i mean ALOT... skipping lectures... i dunno but i somehow juz feel super duper tired... wen for my driving prac yest and boy it was hilarious... hahahaha... i realli cannot believe dat i am doing it... hahaha... went back to skul for an hour lecture... after which i went to spent time wit ma dearie eleena... sweets... i truly love her soooo muchie... started ma revisions alreadi... i think tis tyme round i can do well for my bio... of all de subjects taken surprisingly it is ma fav subjects... heex... 2 more weeks to go... MAJOR MUGGING.... BUCK UP.... heex....

humps... i think i realli need to lose those kilos in me... haha.. i wan to be *pweety* well mum has given me a hard time too... she will neber make me give up on losing weight... been nagging to me for de past few daes... alright alright.. i WILL try... hahaha...

eleena dearie... i guess i was wrong bout u... first time i met u i told maself u are de same as all de ppl i knew... u will not understand me... but now after 3yrs plus knowing u, i think u hav prove me wrong... thanx for being there for me ma dear.... knowing u in this journey of ma life has been great... u still stood by ma side no matter how down i hav been... u gave me support no matter wat ma decision is... no one understands me best like u do... all my silliness, ma happiness and ma sadness u can juz overcome it... hahaha.... once again thanx... we started as two stranger living in de same area now being two frens whu will not get tired of being wit each other... hahaha... come to think of it it was funny how we met each other... hahaha....

2006-03-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

hmmm... it has been such a long tyme since i last blog... well wat can i sae... exams are cuming and i still gt 2 more icas to go.... darn it... aniwaes.... life has still been quite nice to me la... wun sae it is terrible cuz de happiness moments i haf can juz wipe off all de sadness in ma life...

sat went to ele's family pit... well it is actually lil hariz b'dae celebration... i was hoping dat "him" did not cum cuz ele sae "he" will not cum but den he came... haiz... aniwaes.... was suppose to go to ma skul bowling practise but den plans change... haiz... sob2... so we went straight to de pit.... reach at ard 3 plus there... no one was dere except some of her cuzzin, uncle and dad... well bout 5 plus it started to rain... was sooooo disappointed but den we look on de bright side... wen de rain stop ele dad start de fire so we can start our bbq... had sooo much fun dere until "he" came.... not saying i dun like its juz dat "she" gave me dat look which spoilt ma dae... wen "his" family came, me ele and hanis stayed inside de tent... i was kinda shy well after wat happen.... after a few min in de tent it became soooo stuffy so we decided to go for a walk... wen we came back "they" wasn.t dere so we sat at de bbq table... den "his" mom came over... i was in total shock... tout they had left... hahaha... aniwaes.... i juz can't stand it... ok wat i am going to sae after diz may not please some of u but i am soooo soriew.... heex....

i noe i am not as "pweetty" as other gals but dat does not mean u can give me dt look... i noe where i tand and i dun need u to tell me dat... u dun haf to look at me like as though i owe u a living cuz i dun... i may not noe u but from de first impression u gave me i dun wish to say much... i dun care whu u belong to so dun bother to try hard to keep me away... i LOVE myself dat that is all it is... i may not haf de look but i still haf my PRIDE....

well somethings are best unexplain but things can never be kept too long... heex.... aniwaes... major mugging cuming ma wae... to all whu are taking ur exms soon...
GOOD LUCK!!!! STUDY HARD!!! TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE IT!!!

p/s: eleena dearie... u are de onli one whu understand me inside out... i am sooo PROUD of u for proving to me dat u can make it in ur test results... remember never give up... dat is de key word for success... i wan to see more great results cuming from u.. i hope our friendship will not be broken or change not even one bit... take care ma dear... one thing i can promise ya is tat i will not leave u alone...i love u to de bits.... mmmuacckks.....

2006-03-05T13:46:00.000+08:00

it is very funny how sometimes the things u wanted soo muchie to happen juz disappear in front of ur very eyes.. and sometimes the things u realli want to avoid juz wud happen in front of u too... i am soooo sick of all the things dat are going ard me... trying very much to be opstimistic bout me but i somehow gets harder each dae...

i gave up.... i dun wish to hurt anione else's...
it hard but i haf to try cuz the things i wan will neber be mind...
wat am i thinking.... putting hopes on you...
somehow i wan to juz live this life alone...
am sooo afraid of being hurt so dun wish to think much bout it...

to be continue......................................................
~every gal is a princess each in their own special wae. i am too. y wun u understand.~

2006-02-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

wow... its been such a long tyme since i last blog... dun realli have de tyme to blog... wit icas and test cuming up i have even hardly some time for me to take a break... haiz... bio prac is finally over... dun think i can achieve my target grade which is a B... for now i juz hope i can pass... still gt some projects to do... argh... never ending skul work... its realli killing ma social tyme.. but nw....... i make a promise to myself... i am going to train hard for my bowling... hahaha... my dearest mummy bought me a set of bowling ball... i love her to d fullest.... yup i do... i promise i will not let u down mummy....

today i had a wonderful tyme spent wit ma princess n princie... it been such a long time since we sit down and talk to each other... damn i miss those times... well we talk bout anithing under de sun... hee.... dey ask me wat's my biggest regret and stuff which i wan to happen.... i really dunno la... i guess after de comeback of dat silly setback of ma life it juz open me heart and mind...

you can never expect much in life... things which u wan wun always go in ur way... somethings are juz in front of u wen u dun need them but wen u are realli in need they will juz dissapear making u feel realli down... now all i can think of is living life to de fullest as it appear day after day... i am sooo afraid of hoping for i am afraid to be hurt.... in this journey of ma life i juz wish to accomplished all ma plans i dun wish to rush things as i am afraid if i might miss de chance for me to reach to my goal... there is no such things as a shortcut in my book of achievement... if u wan something den work hard for it...

eleena... seeing u sad the other dae realli hurt me soo much... i was sooo hurt dat i cried... i noe i promise u dat i will nt cry but i juz cant bare to see u sooo sad... i understand how u feel and i am sooo sorry for putting pressure... i dun wan u to be in de losing end... u are juz not trying hard enuff... i cldn't sleep thinking was it entirely ma fault... i think i shldnt hav given u dat silly test... plz do not bring urself down animore... i will nt give up on u even if everyone else does... but as i sae if u give up in life half of the battle is gone... so dun ever give up in yourself okie...

2006-02-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

soooo muchie to blog.... i am sooo hapie todae... ma long lost wish has been fulfilled... before i touch on dat i shall go by de day...

Thurs 2/2
my princie birthdae... were suppose to go her hse and celebrate but den she need to go dinner with her family... nevertherless we try to make her dae an unforgetable dae... hahaha... here are de late pix...

princie figuring out...

princie shocked to see her pix...

after this went to north canteen... sang her a birthday song den ling and nasha start their sabo thingy... put ice inside her shirt... den lk splashed nasha wit water... poor uncle had to clean... lk suffer from shocked i guess den kena headache... sob2....

group pix...

the princesses... hahaha....

Sat 4/2
went to teach ele tuition den her father sent us on a task... can't realli sae wat but it was fun.. apart from all de little arguement... i also dunno how it started... surprised her wit her prezzie... cuz dat tyme i told her dun wear a bracelet cuz de design... so she said u dun wan me to wear buy me a bracelet lah... hahaha... sooo i took her word seriously... here are de pix..

juz like her... my tiny star... shining sooo brightly wenever i am down...

sob2.. after getting her prezzie... she neber layan me... hahaha

our tiring but still smiley pix... hahaha

Sun 5/2
went to *scape to watch taufik olinda and sly with ele, hanis and syirah... hahaha... gosh... i am sooo happie... at first reach there was de jam X organised by lime mag... so i took ma centre stage in de front after eating sooo as not to missed taufik.. hahaha... kiasu i noe... but i love him to de bitz... hahaha... wen they reach everyone shouted... well olinda look sooo slim.. hahaha... wen can i ever be like her... aniwaes... saw some fan taking pix so i went over... den i overheard de organizer saying ok taufik sit but her kept saying last one last one... i tout wanna give up but my dear ele say wait cn make it one... sooo i waited for ma turn....

taufik and me... finally... after dunno how many times wen to his event... love it...

olinda and me... love her...

haha... finally a pix wit her.... the host carrie....

well... taufik perform his song "FIRST"... sang along and took video... he smile and wink at me... hahahaha... i dun think i can sleep tonight.... during de show de idols had to give out freebies... they are suppose to throw them to de public... hahaha... de poster olinda went down to pass to syirah... den came the lime notebook.. taufik himself went down to pass to me... hahaha... i feel like in heavens... hahahaha.... den went they went off stage i manage to shake olinda and taufik hand... yippie.... not onli i manage to take pix wit taufik which is ma long dream but i gt more den dat... love it....

walk down to taka where i saw de dj challenge... took a pix wit dj fiza o but blur la... sob2... intend to come back to take again.. if i see her la....

ele darling... i noe ma temper not very de good this few daes.. i am sooo soriew,.... hope u dun mind.. thanx for all de happie times... cuz of u i am a changed person... u noe i noe public dunno... hahaha... take care... study hard and neber give up...

nEw YeAr bReAk..

2006-01-31T09:15:00.000+08:00

hmmmm... wat a long break this tyme round... but it still seems like it is not enough for me to rest.... heex... tomolo its back to project and skulwork... hahaha... well 3days of fun happiness for me this tyme round...

sat- meet ele for breakfast in de morn... went to pioneer mall mac... it was damn crowded well actually i haf expected it... de KOUFU was close and mac was de onli food place actualli opening on dat day... stayed wit her till it was 1230... she had to go home to pack as she is having her family chalet... so it was back homie for me... trying to do my 2079 as well as my 2035 wen i was bored... well mummy came back ard 5plus... we went to fetch "angel" nana at boon lay berofe preceeding to chevrons to play bowling... argh... i juz can't get my throwing and positioning rite... after bout three games, my hands hurt terribly... guess there was too much tension.. played de last game wit de help of the hand guard... had to go homie straight as nana was showing her tantrum...

sun- yippe... going out wit ma family to east coast... haha... de onli part i wasn't too happie was de weather... it was damn hot i couldn't even enjoyed myself... but it was all still fun... din swim onli acc my lovely cuzzin to de sea...

silly sister acting cute.. hahaha...

hafiz and ayah nan enjoying de food..

wak idah having her lunch... aiyah mummy wat u doing???

mummy and wak idah...

cik yah and wak idah...

aww mummy wat ya doing???

well those were de pixs taken not much i noe cuz i was too busy looking after my cuzzins no tyme to snap and mummy well she juz busy doing everything... hahaha... after east coast i went over to pasir ris for eleena chalet... mum and aunty kept asking me to cum... so i went over... forget to bring de cam over but i had fun staying over there... well went i reach de bbq started... and diz poor gal had to be de one bbq-ing all de food... but i still had fun wit ele... kept fighting over whu handle which end up her hotdog was burned... hahahaha.... after de bbq had my dinner den we went to play bowling wit her cuz... had soooo much fun well i think i was de onli ones... de gals kept trying to beat each other scores... doesn't seems like a bowling game more like a competition... well i cant blame dem whu wud wan to lose out to their cuz and sis... hahahaha... after de bowling game went back to chalet... waited for everyone to turned in before me, ele, seri, and mimi head down to de beach... intention was for mimi to build a rocket but... of all de 4 tries onli 2 was successful... hahaha... well den it was back to de chalet... hahaha... wnt i reach de room it was damn cooling... wit aircon and nice bed whu can resist not sleeping... hahaha... it was quite funny... well went i sleep ele cudnt sleep... wen i din she slept... hahaha...

den came mon... went home taking ele uncle lorry... sooo fun its been ages since i last ride one... hahaha... ele cudnt tahan de ride she felt nausea... went to west coast for our breakfast before heading home... reach home 11plus... suppose to meet mira at 215 but she changed it to 315... haha... was quite happie wen she said dat as i was sooo sleepy... but whu cud sleep wit nana at homie... meet mira at somerset mrt... once reach headed down to cine to buy our tix... sooo funny all de shows were either sold out or selling fast... wanted to watch cheaper by de dozzen2 but seating left wasn't realli good... soo we watch memoirs of a geisha... while waiting for de 450 slot we went to bk for my lunch... couldn't realli finish ma food... so we juz talked... den headed to starbucks as mira wanted to get her drink...

taken at starbucks... sweaty sweaty till my make up not proportion... hahaha...
went to watch movie den and last pix taken was after de movie..

looking soo stressed out as both needed the loo... heex....
den i went back homie... before that went to buy dinner for mummy and me... hahahaha...

dat was how i spent my 3 days... note to some...
mira- soriew if de day went too plain... guess we need more dates sooo we can haf more to talk about... gee... but i had fun... lookin forward to more of it... muz text me soon okies...

ele- i dunno ho much longer i can stand wit ur silliness... but sooo long as i can i will bare wit all de hurtful things u haf said and done to me... i hope u will soon realise how much it hhurt me... if u think by lying it will make things better think again... so far.. haf it make things better??? no matter wat u will be my dearest... takeing care always... dun notie notie...

2006-01-21T11:05:00.000+08:00

hmmmm.... i am feeling quite please wit maself this week... i pass my bcls... i PASSED... tout sooo much i was going to fail my theory... but i din... am soooo happie... well 1 down three more icas to go... sianz...

i dunno why but this few days i kinda feel lonely.... perharps am too busy wit skul things no tyme to meet up my fwens.. each tyme they ask me out i kinda busy... hmmm.... stressing meself out cuz of de icas... my nyp creeps sorry if i was too harsh wit u guys... juz wanna get it done and over wit rather den holding on to it...

mummy brought me and sister to shop at bugis... well it was actually her birthdae gift to my sis whu has now turn 20... haha... i bought a blouse for myself... love it lots... mummy is de best... still say wanna help me pay my instalments... haha... wat can i do without u...

not been able to sleep well this past few days.. den always end up wit a swollen eye... sob2... dunno why also.. lots of things have kept me thinking this past few weeks... feeling pressure at home and skul... i dunno whu i am to share.. but i dun wanna hurt anibody or make them worried... i think sometimes silence is golden... i feel lonely at times but i somehow dun feel like being wit anione... i realli dunno wat has put me to change but i think i will sort it out maself...

2006-01-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

yIpPeS!!!!!!!! everything back to normal... was awaken by a surprise msg today by her mum... sob2 irah is soooo naughty(*bite her*)... i guess i was too harsh to her dat's y... cuz of me she sick den make her mummy worried... but dat is beyond my control... i was realli confused last nite... juz too much things have happen.. one after another dragging me down.. i juz feel tooo tired to think about anything else in life... but.................................................... everything wen well todae... actually already had de intention of forgiving her but i am tooo scared to sae...

went out wit ele and suria todae... morning had to go follow mummy for diz eye check up... it was realli silly i tout but mummy juz wanna go and check since its free... oh well might as well... was still in de NOT TALKING TO HER mood... so wen she call was quite inconvenience to talk cuz mummy was ard... after de whole thingy has ended den mummy wen to fetch ele and aunt to go and visit aunt at nuh... stayed till bout 2 den left since meeting suria at 230... wen we reached ps de place was pretty pack... well first part of de show was wit khairul and fauzie... not realli a fan of dem so we wen to go mamam... had our lunch at swensen... wasn't quite happie wit de service... so we went down to see taufik... it was de best roadshow sooo far... his moves juz melt me.. hahaha.... i LOVE him to de bits... sooo sad cannot take pix wit him except for dat fake shot which mummy tout it was for real... well here are some pix taken...

hIm..

after dat we walked down town... leg was aching sooo wen home after reaching wheelock place... heex... as for my dear ele...... something for u to note.....

no two individual are de same.. please understand dat i am willing to accept onli if u are willing to change... let me see de smiles in our faces once again... i dun wanna be hurt i doubt u do... take care ma dear... love u sooo muchie...

2006-01-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

haiz.... no tyme to blog... sianz...
aunt in hospital... wishing her speedy recovery...
skul.... project project and more project... soooo sianz... summore all nt in de mood...
i need retail therapy... but i am sooooo broke... shark sia... tomolo going out wit suria and ele hopefully can haf fun...

bcls assessment cuming up next thurs... haiz... i am soo scared.. wat if i can't do it... how??how??
stress sia like dat... summore de theory paper is next wed... argh... dunno can make it a not... but lecturer sae muz haf confidence...

i juz dun understand u...
why is it so hard for u to understand me??
is it too much to ask that we dun fight this whole week...
i'm soriew if de problem lies wit me.. but seriously i am sooo tired of it...
y muz u keep repeating de same old mistake??
i noe u like to joke ard but there is a imit to everything...
i totally give up...
perharps if i leave things will be better for both of us...
i really hate it wen i mention it u keep crying...
promising u wud change...
wat is de point if u dun??
wat... u expect me to juz sit ard and forgive u everytymr...
i totalli give up...
if u will never change i'm soriew...
i haf too much things to think about beside this...

sooo soriew ppl.. not in de mood to blog today...

2006-01-04T20:56:00.000+08:00

second dae of skul n i'm already sooo stressed up.. looking at de assessment list... i think i can neber fool ard this sem.. especially with BCLS... darn.. i hate it... but wat can i do... its part of my learning process...

muz think positive... sure can do it.. haiz... but den hor i dunno la... quite stressing also... summore i cannot blow air sooo much... i blow my lung out till it make me feel like i getting asthma attack... haha... muz endure... i think i realli need lots of practise... haha... stressful sia... worst still de assessment is juz 2weeks away... somebody help me......

i dunno why but i somehow feel that i am rather quiet in skul... but i dun see anything wrong in me... dearies fwens there's realli nothing wrong wit me... seriously... and one thing clear I AM NOT IN LOVE WIT ANYONE... heex... dun anyhow make statement hor... but i somehow feels realli tired these past few days... dunno why mayb due to de pain... haiz... sooo sianz... new year den i sick... sob2... but i think getting better nowadays...

well nothing else to say... to all reading my blog take care always... stay happie and smiley always...

2006-01-02T18:25:00.000+08:00

late post... haha.. happie new year to everyone... i hope u are being blessed in everything u do and may ur resolution be achieved...

soriew for de late post... been busy and also sick these past few days.. sob2... countdown diz year spent it wit ele... initially wanted to go sentosa wit princie but mummy say she dun feel good i going there... listen to her as i dun anything to happen... den was supposed to go to j.east sports complex wit suria and her cuz... but de cuz dun wanna go.. den suria say she spending wit bf to esplande but still ask me to follow... so i called up mimi but ele wasn't happy me meeting him... so i had to meet her at her aunt place cuz her aunt was angry me neber go there... sob2... new year eve also kena scolding... went homie wit his mummy and daddy... i dun think they noe its me but i still kept a low profile... we joked ard as we walked back... his mum n dad veli de friendly... heex... i was sooo nervous den ele still made fun of me... sob2...

well yest wa packed wit my family gatherings... after a long tyme den gt to meet all my cuz... i mean de whole lot of them... last seen was during hari raye... hahaha... my chest pain was getting worst by then... aunt help to massage but still no hope... so she ask me to relax tomolo go doctor den if still not feeling good den ask her massage again... went home it got worst... put hot pack manage to get some sleep...

went to de doctor today ele acc me... doctor sae its juz muscle pull but he say i still need to take care.. if breathless i might haf to go a&e but if still pain after meds go and see him again... haiz... i hate it wen i sick... tomolo skul den today still sick... sob2... but i am still going to skul... hahaha... mummy and sis go and take baby nana from her homie...i hope will be getting better soon... praying hard always...

~~~sMiLeY~~~

nEw YeAr bReAk..

~sMiLeY~